A friend who tended bar once told me how he had a someone order a virgin strawberry daiquiri then indignantly informed him she tasted ZERO alcohol in it. After he explained what a “virgin” cocktail was she called him a liar, asked to speak to his manager who in turn validated his definition. She then stormed out while…

#32 Bourbon Banana, #33 Vegemite Swirl

I’m putting my money on “District manager of PE is golf buddies with the founder of Alive Seminars.” 

Isn’t it only because they can’t use Crawford?

The runner up was “Ich Bin Ein Hamburglar”.

I thought it was a brand of hair tonic sold in the Vermont Country Store catalogue.

Around last Fat Tuesday I was thinking that a 5th season of Treme would be super relevant starting during summer ‘20. By all accounts covid has been more devastating than Katrina.

“As long as I could remember, I always wanted to be a disaffected teenager.” (Tony Bennett’s Rags to Riches wells up on soundtrack)

That’s what I use for homemade Chex Mix. 

In the suburbs of Chicago I live near an Irish import store that carries both Tayto & Walker’s as well as some other brands. An interesting find, Guinness kettle chips. An odd mix of savory, bitter, hint of sweet. Not very salty though.

“nothing is real and this is a simulation.”

Is it normal for recent divorcees to spend so much time together? My parents were overjoyed to not be in each others company.

“I think he’s down there now, screaming up at us...and I think he’s in severe pain.”                 -George Carlin

Indeed he was.

Mc...Flurry? What is this mythical beast you speak of? A Yeti of some sort, a cousin of the Jackalope? Because surely you can’t be talking of a McDonald’s menu item by that name because those don’t actually exist.

Headlines From The Future...

They look like stills from the 80's killer yogurt movie “The Stuff”.

They could just put another actor’s head over his “Winklevoss Style”.

These already existed and were called Thingamajig. I had one maybe a decade ago at the Ft Myers airport. People thought I made it up when I tried finding them in Chicago.

Lying about his height to get him out of the obese bracket was flat out North Korea shit.