Half right.

A palm reader told him all the missing ballots are in the basement of the Alamo. 

When do people lose their minds that Bardem isn’t Cuban?

Their lack of seasonal Linzer’s this year was my personal rimshot on 2021 sucking. 

Every time one of these clowns makes bail, someone should approach them with a camera and ask, “So, Fox News has labeled you a member of ANTIFA, have any words for Sean Hannity?”. Their answers should be entertaining. 

“George Zimmerman can’t be a racist...he’s HALF MEXICAN!”

He learned that from Roy Cohn.

Covering his ass for potential legal ramifications. Full stop.

So you’re saying I shouldn’t break out my poi ramekins for any of these recipes?

The reboot was too dark and gritty, just didn’t capture the charm of the original fire.

Arachnophobia -Available 1/1 leaving 1/31

Does he have a good Toilet Lean recipe?

Yo ho ho and a bottle of Tom.

“...frankly, we’ve reduced the number very substantially, as you know.”

The twist is it’s actually a micro-universe inside the head of a Guinness pint.

“What do you do with all your rage?”

Lay lady lay, upon this big bed of cash...

That was my thought upon seeing the pic. I imagined him cracking open the green lid of Kraft Grated Parm, shaking a wisp over it,  “Aaaand 254!”

I have an Uncle who peed blood for months before going to his GP. When he was diagnosed with bladder cancer the oncologist told him that if he came in after the first sign of blood they could have saved the bladder. Now he has one made of a chunk of his small intestine. 

My first thought. On that, what ever happened to that gamer douche who was arrested for swatting after they went to the wrong house and killed the guy who answered the door?