Yeah, fuck that noise. Yankee Candles ARE expensive candles, ffs.

Shout out to all my fellow Jezzies who read “inexpensive Yankee candles” and thought about how you only get Yankee candles when they're on the clearance endcap at TJ Maxx.

My son had a friend who wasn’t allowed to watch the films because “evil spirits could escape from the TV and only our Lord Jesus Christ can get rid of them.”

My husbands stepmom made her grandchildren burn their copies of HP. It was so devestating because they weren’t academically inclined and those were the first books they were excited to read. People get away with this kind of child abuse but they really fucking shouldn’t.

Same here! My body’s reaction to anything bad or stressful is ‘OH SHIT, WE GOTTA PUKE’. Like if someone I know says ‘ I have some bad news’ i automatically cover my mouth, not out of shock, OH NO, I just don’t want to puke on them if it really is bad news.

You misunderstood the people at whom the snark was directed. I wasn’t talking about people whose hair requires regular shampooing to look nice. My mom’s one of them. She somehow also recognizes that not every comment made on the Internet is a personal attack on her.

It cannot be done! They are diametrically opposed! One removes grease and one adds grease! Why anyone thought they could possibly be combined is beyond me and also makes me feel the need to use a lot of exclamation points!!!

It’s a fancy shampoo/conditioner combo. Never trust those things. There’s a reason god created shampoo and conditioner separately.

I don’t like Seth McFarlane, but I respect him. Keep in mind that he paid for (out of his own pocket) all of the special effects for Cosmos with Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and hired people from Star Trek and ILM to do them. I don’t know about you guys, but I had never really understood the mechanics of global warming until…

Never mind the Democrats, never mind the Republican establishment, never mind Dick Cheney, never mind the 1.6 billion followers of Islam. Today Donald Trump made the enemy who will ultimately destroy him: adultosaur.

Private universities shouldn’t receive any tax money period. They’re private, aren’t they?

Religious universities SHOULD be allowed to make hiring and enrollment choices based on their beliefs.

Police dispatcher here. Call 9-1-1 and let them know immediately. If the officer has already gone over the radio advising that a vehicle he/she was attempting to stop was refusing to do so, they can be told at that time (if not before), that you are on the phone with dispatch. Safety of the citizens is the most…

God, I hope not. I want this family to GO AWAY FOREVER.

When I was like 21, a cop followed me as I pulled out of a diner parking lot at 1am for 5.5 miles down the same road, until I turned onto the street that I lived. I didn’t pull over until I was clearly in streetlights, near houses (the first block of that street wasn’t really residential, but the next block was). It…

Put on your hazards, slow down (not to a stop, but enough to signal that you are moving along), pull over towards the shoulder (don’t drive in the shoulder, but move over a bit towards it to allow people going with the flow of traffic to easily and safely pass you and the officer), and if that doesn’t seem enough for…

I liked “Lowered Expectations.”

I dunno... I’m a woman (who admittedly doesnt want kids or particularly like babies) and pregnant stomachs kind of freak me out. I was SHOCKED to find out the majority of my close straight dudes friends think pregnant women are hot. And not just sorta pregnant, like really pregnant.

Terry Gilliam is the gift that keep on giving.

Uhm, only in much the same way that watching NASCAR teaches you how to drive in normal city traffic without endangering yourself or others. In other words, absolutely not. I’m suggesting that in the absence of real information, kids think porn teaches them to have sex, and that is a very scary thing.