Hmmm. I will say no more.

One thing I’ve learned as a citizen of the good ol’ US of A from living long-term in several foreign countries is that any racism and bigotry we deal with in America is nothing compared to what the rest of the world commits on a casual everyday basis.

The only difference is that the rest of the world is ashamed or…

Hmm, liberal nationwide Socialism has a downside? How surprising! Doesn’t the free medical care, free education, government subsidized food and goods, and mandated equality for everyone except the decision makers make everything perfect?

It’s almost like a Utopian communist paradise, only better!

“There is no female equivalent to ‘hot dad bod’”
I guess you’ve never done an internet search for “Sexy MILF”. Yes, it’s a thing.

Sheesh, only on Jezebel! You are truly a special snowflake. Bless your heart, honey.

“the Chicago Reader, one of the most storied alt-weeklies in America”

You forgot to make it sound like a politcal slur... shoulda been “alt-left”.

Just to be fair. Or balanced. Oooh, did I go too far?

BIG CELL PHONE makes tons of money from customers who are addicted to texting. Maybe not be technically organized crime but it might as well be.

It has no jowls. Can’t be a good car without humongous jowls. So... auto-CP.

MOAR jowls!!!!!

Jupiter? A planet? Ef-You! I’m Neil deGrasse Tyson, you mofos. Pluto? Not a planet! Mercury? Not a planet! Saturn?!?!! NOT A PLANET! Why? Because I’m Neil deGrasse Tyson! That’s why. And some place in Florida? Hell no. Not a place! Don’t care about the car. It ain’t a planet!!!

I will keep this short, and to the point: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grounded to the ground? Just curious.

I don’t read a lot but I read that book! Good book, and not just for the horrific injury story mentioned here.

I don’t read a lot but I read that book! Good book, and not just for the horrific injury story mentioned here.

I have no idea what “thowing shade” means. Or what “mother-of-all-Beckies” means.

Can you please write using standard American English?

What you have posted here is pure jibberish.

There are no races on the phone. There is only sounding “educated,” “sophisticated,” “intelligent,” “polite,” and “not a ghetto hood-rat.” Many people of many ethnic backgrounds have mastered this art.

Wow, there are SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS. I don’t even know where to start, so CP already! OK?

Your story reminds me of playing paintball and taking a shot to the goggles. Pretty much no warning and then all of a sudden the whole world turns whatever-the-color-of-their-paintball-was.

In the spirit of economy, I will say: NO. Just no.

Well, at least the wheels don’t look stupid.

CP. I actually remember when I was a teenager (back in the 1980s) a co-worker at my summer movie theater job had an awesome early ‘70s V8 AMC Javelin, but it got totaled in a wreck. (Nobody was hurt, thankfully. And he claims it wasn’t his fault.) His replacement? Yeah, a Le Car. I was SO disappointed with him.

Those wheels seem like they are just begging for curb rash.

Also, they look like crap.

It is like porn vids with a death metal soundtrack instead of the sound of girls getting their rocks off. Yes, you are correct.