Look how wild and tangly and *gasp* MERCURY-COLORED it is! Definitely made of 100% poison.

Celebrities tweeting stupid things? Meh.

I’ve got one other, which also happened on the subway. Something about the acoustics?

“Well, they’re the same color so I guess it’s okay.”

The worst cover I ever saw was a thrash punk band playing Billy Joel’s “Piano Man”.

Fucking sunflower seeds?

Serious issues I would like Jim Carrey’s input on:

I feel like this is a pretty ideal description of marriage. I enjoy both fucking and eating!

I could accept your stance on cats, but badmouthing gin just poisoned the well. Point to Petchesky.

I always honor the birth of our great nation by eating pork and chugging whiskey until I pass out. Because I’m a fucking PATRIOT.

“Be chill and empathetic” sounds like a millenial rewrite of the Golden Rule. It is basically the foundation of all etiquette for any time and place.

his gay friends, like him

Come on, Kluwe. I know you’re around here somewhere.

The term “work wife” is equally horrible.

Oh god bigot tears are SO DELICIOUS

I’m at work, and I just sobbed a little at my desk because I can’t put this in my face immediately.

My initial reactions to the news:

...Because calling him a self-indulgent ass is entertaining? Why did you read the review after looking at the headline?

Burn it down and never have regrets.