A million stars for this masterpiece. I want to wear a shirt that says this to an anti-abortion rally.

Right? And quit dressing so provocatively, you know that’s just asking for trouble. JEEZ.

That’s called a whiskey sour.

Thank you for saying what needed to be said. This stuff could easily have convinced me it was one of those awful MixxTail things.

Before booking, they should really have a warning window that pops up to say WAIT! THIS AIRLINE IS GARBAGE. YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS?

As a nihilist, I find this deeply inspirational.

I’m really starting to suspect that this whole soap opera is just a ploy to stay in the media during the post-draft pre-season dead zone.

“Back-channel” indeed.

Didn’t read closely, thought at first this was Allen West. Doesn’t look like I was far off.

It strikes me that reading this headline and expecting insight is simply idiotic.

The timing works out. Nobody knows who D.B. Cooper really was. It would be a fitting ending. Better than this.

Bill Cosby should not be giving anybody hot dogs

I haven’t seen anything this monstrous since the infamous Double Down. I can feel my arteries shriveling in terror.

The head always seems to be the part that weirds people out - if anything, just lop that off (but keep the delectable collar meat for yourself).

Bourbon transcends foodstuff rankings. Bourbon is life.

Adding bitters should be way higher on this list! However, you also disparaged bourbon and therefore obviously don’t have your wits about you, so you get a pass.

What do you think it’ll take to get the Simpsons off the air at this point? The show now has such an inertia that it seems impossible for any one actor leaving to kill it. My bet is that at least two actors who play actual Simpsons will have to die, and even then there will probably be some sort of spinoff launched to…

If previous lists are anything to go by, controversial opinions meant to work devotees into a frothing, ridiculous rage is kind of the point.

Is it worse if they’re sending text messages to their sister, who is also at the table, for the express purpose of buying weed?

Vienna installs gay-themed traffic lights ahead of Eurovision 2015