There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

but it looks like digestive juices, which they usually secrete when eating

Now to get a job that allows 6 weeks off for bed rest. Hmm maybe I should run for Congress.

So they're invented sweet onions?

Come to Canada. The reason American chocolate is so bad is because US law allows Hershey to cut out cocoa butter and other milk products and substitute cheap gross oils and other emulsifiers. In Canada, you can not pull that shit as Hershey learned the hard way. In Canada, chocolate must contain milk AND cocoa butter…

It's not even a catchphrase. It's like a mental illness.

ur life sounds rly hard

You got to peg your man, AND you got a in a good core workout?

This just intensifies the need for a greater variety of emojis. I can't seem to find any depicting one smiling face sitting on another smiling face.

Piss off? Why? Is the truth too much for you to handle? Yes, this is somewhat of a big deal that they're showing a woman who is a couple more pounds heavier than your average model and I'm really happy for Ashley Graham but get back to me when there's a plus sized version of Lupita Nyong'o. Now that would be…

They probably think you need that space for something important and said fuck it, this is ours now.

Well "Jimmy" is also a slang term for Penis (although not really used anymore), so it really makes perfect sense. But Howard Johnsons would have been funny too.

Personally, if I can muster up the ambition, I get up and go read a book in another room for a little while. It almost always puts me to sleep. Otherwise I just whine about it.

Tillis is, of course, a proponent of small government and limited interference right up until he reaches your vagina, which he would like to see vigorously probed with an ultrasound wand if you need to get an abortion, which of course he'd like to see banned altogether. Of course.

It is a lot cheaper to have a bunch of tool chests with a few tools in them than it is to leave a wrench in an F-16 engine.

Those Bolse speakers will go great with the rest of my electronics

Someone broke Megyn Kelly and I'm loving every. fucking. second.