My friend works in IT in the stadium and she says there is an elevator that connects directly from his box essentially to the field; a fire pole would be faster, I wonder how close they were to installing one..

Maybe she should get in her fucking Gulfstream V (oh, sorry, she's not that rich), er, Cessna Citation Mustang, and jet off to an island for the week? It's not like she couldn't use an excuse to brag about that at the next luncheon she attends where all the rich ladies wear obnoxious red hats...

"This man is fourteen days out from becoming a heartbeat away from the most powerful government position in the second most populous state in America."

Everyone knows Jets fans are relegated to the Meadowlands parking lot as their official city-of-residence...

...and, he only listens to vinyl because the pops and snaps are more pure...

I was in Vegas last week and this guy was screaming at the gate agent because they closed the jetway doors as he was arriving to the gate; gave his seat away obviously when he didn't check in for boarding, but the fun part came when he started pulling this self-entitled traveler shit — asked for the CEO's name. …

The observation from the Oprah clip bit is ridiculous; the guy can hear, afterall, and when white singer fella steps close, I imagine Stevie simply hears that he's next to him... is that so much of a stretch?

So, which Islamic prayer is the one you can do while celebrating scoring in an American game while being surrounded by half-naked women and tens of thousands of cups of alcohol?

They must've put a poster of him at the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge walkway to remind would-be jumpers they should consider his awe-inspiring gift to humanity and think twice about ending it all...

"Like a Belieber, but for Hitler."

"...must be free of any real animal fur unless expressly authorized in writing by Kohl's."

His name is John, obvz.

C'mon, this was a slam dunk:

I'll never forget those dumbasses on The Today Show wildly speculating at any and everything, with one of them actually saying while they're showing the closeup of a big fucking twelve-story hole in the building "We have no confirmed deaths at this moment, and, uh... hopefully nobody was hurt.." Of course, it had…

Man, Phylishawkins41 is gonna be pissed at that half-assed MS Paint redaction...

Q: What does the floor of the newborn wing at Beth Israel and restaurant staff who wait on LeSean McCoy have in common?

The only way the earth can now become balanced and calibrated again is if Taylor Swift and Russell Brand start dating.

Taylor Swift is so totally a Marnie in denial.

The gode/code thingis absolutely an Ohio thing; I spent two weeks together for the first time since she was a kid and that code/gode (she also said "ode" for "old") action stuck out big time..

+1 Smacks upside Ziggy