Yeah, I suppose — it’s just that I’ve been obsessed with trying to get a contrabass clarinet forever, and even the shitted-up ones on Ebay are all listed for no cheaper than $3000 .. maybe the sellers are all delusional, but there’s never any “deals” .. then again that ain’t your typical middle school band instrument..

Well... I mean... c’mon, there’s gotta be at least Ben Carson and maybe Herman Cain?

When I was a kid, the TGI Friday’s we used to go to had a big fucking tuba mounted on the wall above a couple of tables, and I remember the bell always had this thick layer of dust on top of it ... so, two thoughts:

All you got to do is follow the money... unless they stare at it on their computer screen for the rest of their lives, they better have a awesome laundering system in place.

“ If our auction raises 1,000,000 (million) btc total,”

I couldn’t help but read it in the voice of Cookie Monster. But I have a 4 year old, so...

“Sad!” = Donald Trump proves himself to be a trendsetter once again!

Well, let me tell you my little tale... I wasn’t quite a newcomer, but was at a local “online education” company for maybe a year until these corporate goons came along and bought the owner out for a cool $49m. So now, the staff (there was maybe 30 of us) were going to become employees of this super-stereotypically…

“-1!”

This is the first time I ever clicked on a Sponsored Post (morbid curiosity as to how Miller Lite could be artistically woven into an article about music festivals), and the results didn’t disappoint! A casual generic throwaway sentence at the very end that could’ve beem tacked onto virtually any other article:

“Ok, let’s put kittykat’s front paws on a rickety unlevel crate and do something to make it roar at you while you’re a foot away from its face... aaaaand, Action!”

Good. I have been in multiple public venues lately indoors where people just vape like crazy blowing that shit everywhere including right into my face. I don’t care if it’s less toxic than second-hand smoke, that shit has been in your mouth. It’s gross. How would you like it if I took a swig of water from my glass and…

If you’re not rooting for your kid’s little league team you’re an asshole. It’s forty year old men living and dying with the tiny sample size performance of a bunch of teenagers passing through a school they went to twenty years ago that I think is dumb. Pro sports are dumb too, but it’s a dumb that I get, and to me…

In a more perfect world, adults who were sincerely emotionally invested in the success of an amateur athletic team would be scoffed out of mainstream society. That Kaine cares about college hoops at all is sad; that he seems to be displaying a continuous lifelong allegiance in the face of external logic is, within…

“And we’re gonna build a wall to keep all the other regions Pokemons out. cause they’re not spending their best. they’re sending their dunsparce, their Bidarel, their ledians. AND SOME I assume, are Goodras.”

“Mr. Trump, are you playing Pokemon Go?”

Here’s the funny thing: 3rd Eye Blind is most known for that horrible song “Semi-Charmed Life” with that terrible hook (“Doot doot doot! Dooty doot doot...!”) and I bet all these dummies who wanted to hear their favorite mainstream Adult Contemporary song probably had no idea what that song is about — I’ll never…

I see your airplane disaster movie and raise you this bad boy:

Ishtar on an infinite loop!

Game show nerd here... sure, Jeopardy! is distributed by CBS Television like a billion other daytime television shows (Dr. Phil, Judge Judy, etc), but is actually owned by Sony Pictures (as is Wheel of Fortune) .. Just Sayin™