Yeah, when he started fist pumping a second before the end, I was like "wtf are you doing, dude?" .. of course, it was awesome and is the 100m dash version of a wide receiver slowing and doing a fun little backwards dance at the 2 yard line as he heads for a touchdown, knowing he ain't gonna get caught... but Bolt was…

The worst of the trends is when parents take an otherwise well-known normal name and fuck up the spelling on purpose (or by accident because they don't know how to spell said name), therefore subjecting poor Michylle to go around all her life calling her self "Michelle-with-a-y" .. because nobody's going to know…

Normal names, except your kid Domenic will really have to go around all his life calling himself "Domenic-with-an-e", because most people will assume it'd be spelled Dominic. By the way, though, and this is just out of curiosity and not to break your balls, but why did you choose that spelling?

Ryker, meet your new cellmates, Syng Syng, Alcytraz, and Leavynworth...

#24: Kentucky Derby (Race Portion)

The Today Show has this ridiiiiicuuuulooous ad they're running where it shows Matt and Al in various athlete gear (cycling jerseys, gymnastic uniforms, etc), and then you see two people fencing, and off come one mask, behold! It's Meredith Viera! And then the second mask .. Ann Curry? No, no, that's old 2012…

As a resident of a city with many legendary BBQ joints (that would be Fort Worth, TX, heyyoo), I must say, a recent visit to Kansas City has changed my tune by way of BBQ sauce. The shit is mainly made with brown sugar, and therefore it is fucking gooooood. Ingenious, even. It's the swauce.

Acute... very acute...

(1A = Shawshark Redemption reference?)

Oh, that's just ol' Schettino trying to wave to some pals again..

Coors Cutter...

Wait, your microwave is beeping. Must be the Applebees takeout from last night...

Though you must admit, a Doritos-dusted tortilla sounds quite ingenious. ..

Let me pose a question out there for my bio nerds. Could we assume that someone's body odor (or anything else that emits from the body, breath, burps, farts, etc) carries with it trace amounts of that person's DNA? If that's the case, as we walk around town all day, we're emitting small amounts of our DNA "into the…

What would you do with the $10,000 Chopped winnings?

Zzzz....

Correct. ...And because I qualified it by saying I don't normally do a particular thing for which I was to make an exception means what again, shithead?

Hm. I'm not one to make one of those "that's not funny"-type comments, but seriously, leave the angry rants to Hamilton (if he ever crosses over to Deadspin) .. this screed was just fucking stupid and, more importantly, full of missed opportunities to properly rip on Canada...

Anyone who has the balls to take a $400+ device, crack it open, solder some wires, dick with the glass and casing, and actually turn it into a better product (that still works!) needs to be recognized by Apple or Motorola or Intel and get hooked up with some crazy-ass engineer position. Unless, of course, what we're…

What is it about the Russians and their superhuman lack of fear of heights of any kind? Is this a cultural thing? And why did they need so many Mohawk Indians to help build the Empire State Building when they probably could have scooped up a few Russians from Sheepshead Bay? AMIRITE!