This is the correct take. Fat cats are good cats, and this is a very good, very fat cat.

Dammit. I definitely can’t star this now, so I’ll put my +1 here.

cool. what an iconoclast you are.

Their dad is a Florida Man, so there you go.

Oh jeez. Please yes, add this to the body of the article.

Fucking didn’t solve any of my calculus problems. At best it solved basic multiplication.

That right there is some fine work, my friend.

You’re not an asshole. You’re just dumb. And an asshole.

I, too, have purchased this brand without reading carefully and was disappointed to discover that is was light ice cream (i.e. not ice cream). Perhaps there’s a class action in my future! Looking forward to my $.07 compensation check.

Every time I order a whiskey soda, I’m served a whiskey and coke. Is this my fault? Are bartenders young and stupid now? I want a drink, not prediabetes, goddamn it.

Stop ruining my sarcastic world view with facts!

That’s why they only gave him 8 months.

Yes, but I’d take a few speeding tickets over 8 months in jail.

Artificial? Are there natural speed limits? Speed of light, I suppose...

This young man is not going to run away. He’s going to let that dumb-as-shit stuff crash off him and shatter into a million weepy pieces, and he’ll be standing just as strong afterwards.

This is what I came to the comments to say. Jesus, that kid is SO OBVIOUSLY a kid. That IS what 14-year-old boys look like.

This is a solid reminder that the Puget Sound region is a few delicious slices of modern liberal city surrounded by the flavorless white bread that is white-bred suburban Ohio.

Whoa there sunshine.

I think I agree. If the ship of state is going to be steered by incompetents, at least someone can let them know they should have an eye out for icebergs.

I’m excited to see him play against my hometown team! But I’d be more excited for a replicator. “Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.”