When I was little and my grandparents would fight, my grandma would pack up 9 kids and me and take us to stay at Howard Johnson’s for a few days. We’d swim, eat room service and watch TV, including Dinah! And The Gong Show. Those are actually some of my happiest memories. RIP, Chuck, you magnificent, brilliant nutjob.

My kid’s seventh grade class watched “The Cat in the Hat” two weeks ago. My husband and I are both teachers and we were annoyed as hell.

My kid’s seventh grade class watched “The Cat in the Hat” two weeks ago. My husband and I are both teachers and we were annoyed as hell.

Blanket bat banana bliss!!!

I see that beautiful baby seal and all I can think is “How long before Cheetolini sends Kelleyanne to club it?”

No. There is no such animal. Breeders and owners keep these pigs small by starving them. The only legitimate “mini pigs” are potbellied pigs which hit several hundred pounds. I own a livestock sanctuary and recently took in two. They’re mean ass critters but cute as fuck. And they’re terrible pets. Their days consist…

So you’re a member of a society for people with high I.Q.’s, yet you don’t capitalize its name? Also, the period goes inside the last quotation mark. Way to show your smarts, super smart person!

Oh Jesus H. Christ. Today is also my husband’s 50th, so I think I will see if we can legally change it. Happy Birthday, Mr. Llamazizkool. Rot in hell, Kellyanne.

Neither am I. Too matchy-matchy and the gloves don’t fit. Bare legs in D.C. in January? I also think a messy bun is inappropriate for her husband’s “inauguration.” After eight years of attacks on the lovely and elegant Lady Michelle, I’m ready to start ripping this low-rent hooker on a daily basis. She and Conway…

My 12 year old son is very slim and he’s 85 pounds. I think a public stoning would be appropriate for this bitch. Or she could be drawn and quartered.

Tulsa born and raised in the house. Since I moved to California at 18, because of the large number of migrants to the state during Ye Olde Dust Bowl, I often get: “You’re from Oklahoma? Do you know my uncle Farron who was stationed at Fort Sill?” Which of course is still much better than: “You’re from Oklahoma? But…

Did she have surgery during or after the delivery?

I don’t care who you really are, because you have the best screen name ever.

Both of my sons were born with these. One “popped up” between his eyebrows when he was about 3 months old and was black and about the size of a dime. The other had one pop up under his left eye when he was about 8. His looked like a hard, impossible to pop pimple. They looked completely different but they were…

When he was El Presidente, my homegirls and I called him Vincente The Fox. ‘Cuz he is and always has been a foxy mutha.

I am so NOT one to justify diva behavior. But honestly, I think she handled it pretty damn well considering her “reputation.” She could have thrown a fit and stormed off stage, and yet she tried to keep going and she was gracious to the fans. The audience didn’t seem to upset by it, either. I’m with her: shit happens.

It sounded like a big dog, too. Police dog maybe? Should have just let him at ‘em.

I get that you’re making a joke, but Merced county always goes blue. There are ten thousand more registered Democrats here than Republicans. So yes, we are a little liberal bastion in the Conservative hell hole that is the Valley. I run political campaigns so I know the numbers.

I own 22.4 acres in the Sierra Nevada foothills which I bought for $385,000 in 2013. I have a large house, a four car garage, and an 800 square foot apartment above it. I have almond orchards on three sides and a 720 acre vineyard across the road. I can see El Capitan out my window as I type. I am two to two and a…

I don’t want to relive the Great North Tulsa Mayo War of 1987, but in some areas, it’s Miracle Whip.