I had that very clock. I'm guessing many of us did.

I talk shit to the people on NPR all. day. long. In my own accent, though. And as long as the kids aren't in the car.

I wanna be friends with 8 year old both of you!

He doesn't really bother them that much. They're more concerned with fighting and hating each other while they play.

We got a new kitten over the weekend. My sons wanted to name it Stampy. Hell, naw!

My kids (and my husband's 4th graders) pronounce it like "Hugh O'Brien." For MONTHS I was going around thinking: "Hugh O'Brien? WTF kind of genius named a character after some actor from old-timey westerns?"

Her skin could use a blast of some baking soda.

At least she'd be safe. No one would ever mistake her for anything but a MAN, baby!

My mother lives there. Stay away. It's all "active senior communities." And llamas.

I get so annoyed when I see people buying the cheapest shit possible for their dogs and cats.

Thank you. I'm naming my next horse Duke Silver.

Cousin?

She looks like she's in a Spirit Halloween catalog.

At my high school, cheer squads were for the white girls, while the black girls got the dance team. Way to keep it Jim Crow, Oklahoma, late 80's.

Which went into the shitter this past season. BECAUSE of what they did to Common's character. Mofos.

"Someone put cocaine in my water." I'm stealing this one for the next time I call in sick.

It runs in my family. My grandmother told "stories" but they were pretty harmless, like how her mother was "bled" into the Pawnee tribe by the Indian nanny who raised her.

I was in high school from 86 through 90, and it wasn't that uncommon for a student to bum a smoke from a teacher. Our campus had a designated smoking area, called the "smoke hole." Oklahoma in the 80's, so progressive...

What's with the Marines? I briefly dated one who loved to tell me about shooting camels in Iraq just for fun. After our first date, he had our wedding completely planned, down to the powder blue bridesmaids' dresses. The final straw was when he called me 7 times in an hour. Psycho ass motherfucker.

Ugh. I totes hate it when I can't remember what degrees I accidentally earned.