She and Pete have probably already interacted on some sort of healing crystals message board.

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

I treat every trip to Walmart like a raid - you get in, do violence on the objective and get the fuck out, you stick to the list, don’t make eye contact and do your best to ignore the fat fucktard with the Glock on his hip in frozen foods.

Because shut up, Kyle.

Your trailer’s writing checks your movie can’t cash!

The future of the NFL, which has two more seasons of labor peace before the CBA expires in March 2021, is in some truly mediocre hands.

In order to ask if aliens exist, Trump would by default have to have at least a passing interest in life forms that are neither him nor his “type.”

No, “Bob” isn’t the biggest problem. Bob will throw his hand sup in frustration and say “well, excuse me for having an option” or some other self martyrdom.

The bigger problem is the relative who hears “Bob” get his racist shot in and then tries to shut the conversation down with “lets not discuss politics” while side…

I hate Bob.

The bigger question is why Cuomo wasted seven minutes of airtime with a failed Kansas gubernatorial candidate who is barely clinging to his status as a public figure by being racist, defending racism, etc on live TV.

Engine notes might have been fake, but I’m pretty sure that 27-speed transmission was real.

Lapid: “Anything but green.”

Joke’s on you the taxpayer- he made $150k in overtime alone last year, his healthcare is fully covered, and he gets to retire with a full salary pension for life.

Britt McHenry is a piece of shit.

Woof that is an atrocious take. Take a look at history. Shit can get so much worse. So, so, SO much worse. I'd much rather 8 years of President Biden than a repeat of, say, the horrors and insanity of World War One.

You are not an intelligent person and no one cares that you are afraid of brown people.

When you go into business selling something NECESSARY to human survival, expect extra regulations to prevent your own greed from killing people. It’s a fair trade-off; people will never NOT need a place to live, so your customer base is guaranteed.

Well that was depressing

I didn’t even know they had laws in Florida.