Also, what kind of spunk are those male robots shooting out? Is Little Miss Wants To Fuck getting a warm basting of clam chowder up her hoohah when she goes and bangs Robot Strongchin? Have any guests died of toxic shock syndrome? What are the gay guests actually swallowing?

How much do the jizz moppers make per hour?

If you think they’re going to blame their Trump vote when their benefits get cut, you’re more optimistic than I am.

I don’t see how you can come away with “no matter who is in charge” they all suck. Democrats CREATED this Ethics office, Republucans just had a secret vote on a holiday night to destroy it. But ok sure, keep on keeping on with your both sides suck theory.

I think you mean the “Exxon-Mobil Red Bull Why America is Awesome” textbooks of the future.

I’m sure the first few thousand choices were all born and bread

Donald invited her because just like him and Jackie Evancho, Rebecca came second in the popular vote.

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

Usually unwise to pick up so many discarded Trojans.

The worst part of Gawker going down is that you are underappreciated in places like Deadspin.

In Soviet Russia, James Francos YOU!

If you don’t make Ovechkin’s robe photo into a photoshop contest, I’m going to make it to Kinja a give you a big body check.

James Franco’s 4th brother there looks like he is about to be touched inappropriately by an old homeless Russian man.

Now THIS is a hockey story about violence that we can ALL get behind!

I think most of what I use to believe in was broken by this election - probably permanently broken.

“PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”

Champion.

Ludicrous drunk, followed by plaid.