Seriously, April was pregnant for *over fifteen months.* Anyone who’s ever been pregnant (or knows someone who has!) can tell you that she deserves better than some douchebag suggesting we call the baby Calfy McCalfface.

Oh man. She looked way more chill than I was when I gave birth. Good for her. I’m having sympathy cramps after watching that ugh.

Charlotte will play a long and calculating game.

One day I will kiss a tiny giraffe.

You have a point, though previous spares like Margaret and Anne seemed to become pretty bitter, and Andrew just became corrupt. Harry really does seem to be living the best life of all of them.

I don’t think I have ever screamed “motherFUCKER” louder in my life. HOWEVER, I left PP donating $10 in Mitch McConnell’s name on my way out. They already a Trump, Pence, and Ryan. I also got to mess with some protestors on the way to my car. Don’t mess with me when I’m already crampy and bleeding.

I think Charlotte got the better end of the deal. Look at William and Harry: who do you think has had/is having more fun? I think the best job on earth must be “sibling of popular (eventual) monarch.”

So cute. I want them to wrap their necks into a heart shape with the lil baby down between them.

She might become the Lady Mormont of the family...

George is the heir, and Charlotte is the spare.

In my head the other giraffe is the nervous, pacing father who eventually has to go out (gently encouraged by April who really didn’t need that kind of energy in the room) and get some air and think about what this all means and how bringing this calf into the world really changes your priorities and who you are and…

My tired eyes read that you had an “IED” put in today. Which does sound painful.

That’s Oliver, the giraffe baby-daddy! So he had every reason to be so invested!

If that calf ends up named Giraffey McGiraffeface, Imma be pissed. Better not be Harambe, either.

I’d say He is Risen, but he actually fell

The BBC called this the most anticipated birth since Prince George? Were they that ambivalent about Princess Charlotte? That’s just cold. But it’s only the beginning of Charlotte’s life as runner-up.

There are 8,500 reticulated giraffes in the wild.

I said this today on my FB:

I am obsessed with giraffes (hence the avatar) and have been since I was a child. I have been anxiously awaiting this. I kept the feed on in the corner of my work computer. I even set the official twitter account to send me notifications for every tweet and turned off the DO NOT DISTURB function on my phone so I would…