Tequila Katie is the worst.

If she were my (step)mom, I’d be doing it for free.

People see him and think he is an actor. They think he has got it going on.

JLo’s alright, I guess. But that was a luncheon of awesome, right there.

Yes, and probably eligibility for health insurance, a small term life benefit and he would be paying something into FICA. Yes, not a lot into FICA, but certainly more than his self funded IRA.

Since he always refers to her as his fantastic daughter, I’m going to say he has limited interaction with her in real life. Using superlatives and flowery language is supposed to make up for the distance.

I’m glad he seems so chill about it. I’d still have him on suicide watch the next couple of days.

Joey Fatone is following the William Shatner career arc, making a living just by being Joey Fatone. And not a bad gig, if you can get it.

I’m rocking the Mucinex, so I won’t even mind whatever bug he’s fighting.

My brother had his eye surgery in Juarez by an El Paso based doctor. Schuster? Maddox? Can’t remember. It was a new procedure, approved in Europe, but the FDA wouldn’t approve it in the States until so many of them had been done. So the American doctor just set up a satellite office in Juarez.

I’m even less a doctor than Dr Oz, but I thought the ratio between your waist and hips was the important measurement, not your actual waist circumference. Belly fat is the heart killer. And Ashley’s waist to hips ratio is just fine. I’m a size ten, and Ashley’s tummy is much flatter than mine. Goddamned youth.

My niece was born 30 years ago. Her birth certificate lists the father as unknown. She’s a beautiful girl, and we’re all so glad she’s in our lives. My sister comes from a white, affluent family, so that probably drives some Illinois legislators insane.

Hey, “Bad Santa.” And “Sicario."

I’m Professor McNulty from the Fake Accent University, and I’ve been enjoying saying, “I’m a Scottish God of Egypt” in my best Scottish brogue.

I’ve tweeted about five times in my life. So I’m pretty happy I was able to figure out how to re-tweet you.

Jax Taylor is looking more and more like an old timey villan. He’ll be tying Sweet Nell to the railroad tracks any day now.

Buy two books, get a free order of jalapeño poppers.

I’m sure there is a gif of it on Bravo’s website.

I am not a fancy person. I have never received a Lexus with a big red bow. I don’t live in a Rococo Olive Garden Barbie Dream House. But that is a low rent book signing, Theresa.