Well, Al, I stand corrected.

Lifetime, please do “Charmed” next. Please do “Charmed” next.

Of course, it wasn’t Arizona. It’s so goddamned hot here, we just eat gazpacho.

Danny Glover is too old for that shit.

At the last game I attended at Chase Field, I hash tagged my hot dog picture #GoDbacks. And I was quite pleased when it appeared on the Jumbotron. The girls weren’t doing anything the rest of the stadium wasn't doing.

Is it Hennigan’s or schnapps that opens Damon’s vault?

No Katrina and the Waves dressing room montage? I deduct ten points.

Ooo, I know a Canadian Sex joke. Why do Canadians do it doggy style? So they can both watch the hockey game.

Always good to have the support of my piers.

The tide will turn on Becky soon.

The best thing about having my kid at 35 was knowing I would not be a 40 year old grandma.

My dentist explained that it’s not really the quality of the snack, as the duration of the snacking. You eat or drink something with sugar, fine. Your mouth produces saliva throughout the day, and cleans the teeth of the sugars. (In between your twice daily brushing.)

Everything is better with an epic love ballad.

I wanted to give my school their props. A lot of great schools out there, quietly doing a great job.

Super boring. And already well covered by “Bob’s Burgers.”

I volunteer at a Title I public school. They have a clothes closet where parents can get uniforms for their kids. They also provide breakfast in the classroom for every kid every morning. If I talk about how great the teachers are at that school for too long, I tear right up.

Public schools are usually so adamant about attendance, trying to keep it as close to 100% as they can. Federal money and ratings depend on it. Do suspensions not count against attendance rates?

No. Ain’t nobody happy about that.

Scarier than Laurence Olivier?