GregSamsa says, Physics!

A cat knocking shit off of a counter will never not be funny.

The adventure started with Squirrel!

Can you have too much confidence? Why, yes, yes, you can.

Too much confidence? Code for bitch. We need to teach girls to dial it down, if they want a boyfriend.

Yeah, I was gonna scream Bullshit because I got Christie, but it could have been worse.

The answer would be a strong yes. But she’ll let them smell some cake.

Raj’s book sounds only slightly less boring than my unwritten memoir.

SNL had a bit where two friends of a famous person come on and break into a whisper, “Sometimes, though...I mean, who does that?” I want them to do that again with Carolyn and George talking about Trump.

I just remind myself, I made it through all that stuff just fine, so my kids will, too. Ugh, parenting is hard. (But some things, like not poisoning your children, pretty easy.)

51 years old, and I’m still waiting for a sign it will ever begin. A couple days each month, I desperately wish for it. The rest of the month, not so much in a hurry.

My son got his driver’s license today. He left the house on an errand, driving solo for the first time. I tried to reassure myself all would be well. (And, of course, it was.) I worry so much for my kids’ safety, I can’t imagine purposely putting them in harm’s way.

Oh, yeah, he was trying to throw shade on us losers and haters for envying him. We are not going to bend him with all our envious losing and hating.

Oh, Donald, such a statesman. Always ready with an eloquent turn of phrase. Forget Reagan, Trump is the Great Communicator.

And not being allowed to call his parents. The poor kid must have been terrified.

I hate GoFundMe. I haaaaaaate GoFundMe. But I feel like starting one to send this kid to MIT.

My husband has about a foot and a hundred pounds on me. I have to tell him I don’t mind the affection while standing in line, but it kills my back.

I feel so sad for Fredick and Derek. That’s heartbreaking.

Coco’s is nice, but Yolanda Bananas Foster is the owner of my dream closet. And refrigerator.