AD carrying them on his back to fuck them in the draft is DEFINITELY the funniest way this could end and thank you for pointing this out to me. This is how would go in a sane universe.

Taking the shitty Lakers package just to make the league happy because ratings would be better in California would’ve been riskier than playing AD for the rest of this season, weirdly. The Celtics would pay more for a damaged AD than the Lakers could hope to offer for a healthy one. It’s fucked up but that’s the sitch.

That’s a knock on the sport, though, possibly the worst knock you can make at a sport. “This boring asshole is the best at it, maybe I’m wrong to like it” is possibly the truest take we can leave this Super Bowl with. If a MAGAbot running off kombucha and snake oil at quarterback and a coach who is just a slightly…

So you’re saying you want the DILIGENT BILL BELLICHEK of hater announcers?

It isn’t even just that Harper and Machado, the big money stars, are being shut-out until they cede even more of the profits they generate back to the ownership (remember, that’s what this is really about) but like...

Counterpoint: Los Angeles doesn’t have shit to trade and Davis is one of the better players in the league. Maybe not the “generational talent” people exaggerate him into but he’d be the best player on many teams and the strong sidekick to an all-star on a Finals-capable team.

Put him on a team where the point guard can be a facilitator and not a primary shooter and get rid of his Little League Dad asshole father, he probably looks like an okay NBA player. Not a great one but a serviceable young player.

The good news is that the half-time show was so bad that it numbed our ability to feel anything.

Trading a young core doesn’t mean much when your young core is a point-guard that can’t shoot on a team where the ball goes through your superstar point-forward much of the time anyway and a whole lotta meh. The draft picks, of course, are of actual value.

Those are from the same random name generator that spits out the same facebook bikini-bots trying to friend us all.

Counter-point: this was so stupid and such the quintessence of the Knicks and everything wrong with the NBA and, hell, the state of the world in terms of everything being ruined by having a generationally-rich idiot born at the helm for no good reason, that piling on is apt and necessary.

After years of Florida Man and Arizona Man stories, we have our first Georgia Man story. Instead of strict redneck methmouth schmuckery, a more Georgia kind of tale, a middle class asshole desperately striving to be an upper class asshole and failing spectacularly in the con. Nice.

People who are sympathetic to the born billionaires instead of the guys who worked their asses off to be millionaires, ask yourself “do I go to the game to watch the player or the owners?” and then realize that most of the profit from this live-entertainment product should go to the performers, not the guy who worked…

The line from “brain damage proves you’re TOUGH!” to “frostbite proves you’re TOUGH!” is maddening short.

The loathsomeness of Boston Fan indeed breaks the tie and the Celtics are more loathsome. LA Fan is merely a casual bandwagoner who leaves the game early to beat traffic, annoying but ultimately forgettable. Boston Fan is a Bonobo chimp screeching in a pink MAGA hat.

Anything that would prevent the last couple of minutes of any close basketball game from turning into a free-throw shooting competition would make the last couple of minutes of a basketball game watchable again, which would be nice.

To paraphrase Watchmen, being the smartest NFL announcer is like being the smartest ant in the world. Wonderful for what it is but compared to what’s actually out there, not a whole lot.

The corollary Atlanta hashtag would of course be #noteitherBravesfan

“I’d go as a blue jay” sounds like the halting first hint by a friend trying to slowly come out of the closet as a furry but, then again, so does “I’d go as a philly”.

You think that “Sockers” is the stupidest name for a soccer team until you realize that every fucking American fucking soccer team is huffing euro-jocks, thinking that calling themselves FC or United will make them legitimate, and realize that “Sockers” is the only good name for a soccer team ever. Viva la Sockers! I…