Half of me wants to make a Borg joke, half of me wants to make a Bjorn Free/Bjorn In The USA/A Star is Bjorn joke.

Getting rid of blind Trump shill and “business job creator” Claudia Tenney here for... maybe not the bluest Democrat but a functional and decent human being in Tony Brindisi is a wonderful thing up  here too!

Doctor: “are you all right? are you conscious? Haula, if you hear me...”

Contracting Miami and Tampa on principle would still come first in my mind. No one even shows up when they’re good, let alone when they’re bad. Vegas would be a mess because your grandmother could hit 20 home runs there, even if your grandmother is long deceased.

Here is a list of all the things improved through the use of white chocolate:

It is unfair to say that gin tastes like a Christmas tree when gin actually tastes like a Christmas tree that’s on fire.

Letting go of a good-but-not-great African-American quarterback for a parade of untalented white guys in an attempt to whip up a racist fanbase is the cursed move of the NFL and rightly so.

Sports-wise? Yes, though that is less a compliment to Philly fans than it is an insult to D.C. fan.

College. He was a valuable star in college.

Ng would’ve been a best case for Mets fans, really, because the groundbreaking nature of her hire might’ve been some leverage against the mettling of ownership but then... that’s probably exactly why they didn’t hire her.

If you want any proof that being a talk show host is largely about the momentum of already having been a talk show host and little else, here he is, Exhibit A.

‘Tis a lovely bread lasagna, English, but ‘tis no barn, let alone a pizza.

Do they really benefit all that much if the DH is a washed-up has-been like Kemp, though? In theory, yes, it’s an advantage to the NL team but few NL teams are built with a starting-caliber hitter on the bench to actually go in there. By NL rules, they both have to have eight starting bats and a pitcher. By AL rules,…

Match-ups mean something but I think they’re often over-valued. If your players are roughly equal, sure, it’s a good tie breaker but... putting replacement bench meat out there over better players just to look like A Smart, that’s definitely overthink.

Utley’s a disgustingly dirty player who doesn’t know the difference between a slide to break up a double play and a slide attempting to permanently cripple another human being, is what.

The enthusiasm with which the Dodgers play and the way they joyfully embraced the heel role against the Brewers makes me wanna root for ‘em. If only they would put Chase Utley on a rocket and shoot it into the sun.

College football in the Northeast is a mistake.

Every time you think they’ve clearly run out of retreads and have to come up with a new idea by sheer accident, NYPD BLUE: THE NEXT GENERATION. Jesusing Christ.

What was touted by some as The Post-Season Of The Reliever has turned into a bunch of train-wrecks ending in Bullpen Roulette where the team whose ‘pen chokes less wins.

Hey, a chippy little dick on the field is less morally repugnant than that bigot Murphy. Machado trying to hurt people to gain an advantage in his job is a lot less fucked-up than hiding one’s hate for whole groups of human beings behind God’s petticoats.