Necco wafers are for children to bastardize the Catholic mass, which is awesome fun and makes up for their being slightly sweetened chalk.

Is the “The Third” for the three bad-faith arguments you want to use each day or...?

That combination of haircut, hat and mustache is called “The Stolen Valor”.

Starting Reyes and Bautista in 2018 is far more embarrassing than that one flub. But yes, we’re in hell. We’re actively in hell. This is hell.

Worse, the Yanks’ll use him at first. AND sign Machado. God help us all.

Poor Cubbies deserve better than that bigoted clubhouse cancer Murphy. For everything awful the ownership does, it was Murphy’s Jesus freak bigotry... and Metstwitter’s forgiveness of it because he could hit a baseball... that REALLY made me ashamed to be a Met fan.

That that we the Mets fans have this year and probably for the next two or three years is Nats schaudenfreude but holy cats, we’re gettin’ a fuckton of that.

Well, there was Hilary, of course, but edgelords got their rocks off voting for Jill Stein and here we are now.

The Giants and Nationals both really blew it not trading out before the deadline because of thin remaining playoff hopes at the time. Sometimes just barely being at the edge of the hunt at the trade deadline can be even worse for a team than being terrible, in the long run.

It’s not good enough because there’s the technology available to be better, at least at the major league level, there are the resources to use that technology and... a consistent playing field makes for a more interesting game.

The line between “a guy” and “a good supporting bat” is The Markakis Line.

And yet: the terrible bullpen still got close to coughing it up.

To be fair, Frenchfry has been an idiot for a long time, when he was on my Mets he thought he was still a major league baseball player, for Christ’s sake. He was eight-point-five Reyes on the ten point Reyes Scale of “how the hell is this guy not retired?” back them.

The business end of a Fleshlight also looks like a smashed ham, though admittedly, far more Americans are familiar with those than a British soccer game.

I mean, he’s right but it happens all over sport and no one calls anyone on it for fear of losing access to quotes.

One hopes that all the awfulness he spews is a side-effect of all his repressed self-hatred and... if he’s really dealing with it, maybe he’ll be less of an asshole too? Like a win-win thing?

I want to say “ah, this kid is just roleplaying as a sociopathic galactic overlord because it’s a video game” but I also want to say “brain doctors and law enforcement should at least be made aware of someone getting off on this, even if there’s nothing they can legally do about it right now, just take note of this…

If anyone is still kicking around jacking off to stats like pitcher wins, RBIs and saves, we can now point you to Jacob deGrom, the best starting pitcher in baseball with a negative win-loss record because his offense is all either hurt or still developing and his bullpen is almost literally a pair of boots and a…

If it takes buying tickets to a Broadway show with him as the third-male-lead in it to get Rovell to give up his role as “Sports Capitalism Robot” then... I will buy two of those goddamned tickets.

“That insurance on Wright and Yo can’t be spent on Machado, that has to go to debt relief!” they will never say it but that’s how it is.