Holy Jesus. We have seen what a negative amount of self-awareness looks like and it is Jose Reyes believing he’ll be playing major league baseball in 2019 and, God help me, the Wilpons might be that stubborn, short-sighted, cheap and stupid.

He is a terrible human being and a terrible baseball player and the owners are saying “you’re paying him more than the minimum and there are a handful of idiots who will show up pretending it is 10 years ago when he was a terrible human being and an amazing baseball player and they will play us money so we are keeping…

It’s certainly true that being on the Bills or the Vikings is BASICALLY being incognito but it’s not LITERALLY true, Richie.

The idea that after decades of being lectured by soccer fans “Care about human pong, you uncultured swine!” now that juuuuuust enough Americans care about it for it to be profitable television, the response is “Americans care enough about soccer where it’s now not dirt-cheap throw-away broadcasting, oh no!”

If defunct game shows are counted, though, “Press Your Luck”. Nothing better than some smug douche getting knocked down by a crude animation of a fuzzy Hamburglar making a pop-culture reference that was dated the day of first air.

“Devlin D’Zmura” sounds like the civilian identity of a really shitty minor DC Comics character. Probably in The Legion of Substitute Superheros, the shitty alternates for the shittiest superhero team, LEGION. “Devlin D’Zmura, better known as Barstool Boy, has the uncanny power to fuck everyone around him over while…

Hell, if he was being facetious, it’s even worse because... the kind of person who listens to radio shows about the Yankees has as much contact with subtlety and nuance as they do... say... have contact with humility or realistic expectations. That is to say: none.

I thought that was only a chain in Canada at this point.

How many of these fuckers are gonna say “well, ACTUALLY, it’s about ethics in sporting journalism!”?

This was the day Donald Trump truly became president.

I suspect you would also rather be a Russian than a Democrat as well, from the piercing dog whistles here.

TO is a bit of a jackass but, yeah, when put in a relief against your average fuh-baw writer or NFL owner, the dude looks like Jesus Buddha Einstein. Perhaps that is to damn with faint praise but here we are.

As a long suffering Mets fan I still do not know how no Met has ever used “No Sleep ‘Til Brooklyn”. That’d be mine. (My wrestling walk up would be Guns N Roses “Dead Horse”, by the by. Lights drop “When she said she was gonna, like, wreck my car? I didn’t know what to do...” Axl growls “WHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOA...”…

Douchebag was gonna be in the ‘pen in the playoffs either way, I reckon.

They all look like the closeted boyfriends of female youtube “celebrities” that are only hanging around because they prefer staying on the internet minor-fame train to being their real selves.

Those of us long suffering on Metstwitter were actively tweeting hoping that they could put the shit bow on this shit season by having the malingerer who should’a retired two years ago pitch, underlining everything awful about the last two years of this team and... we were not disappointed.

The racist dog whistle was so loud that the corpse of Robert E Lee’s dog started howling from the grave.

A clubhouse full of hateful fundies like Murphy and officious pricks like Harper is toxic? The HELL you say.

Could you imagine what Luck would be dying of if he were on the Mets, though? My money’s on “partially barfed-up heart”. (Also: “Only a credentialed NFL reporter would be dumb enough to believe that” is the money line here, kudos.)

Pablo from Columbia may not be the hero we need but he is the hero we deserve.