Mansplainer called out mansplaining. Rando got her fired for “playing the mansplaining card”. What a fucking toxic culture.

“No Way To Prevent This” might not just be the best Onion blog ever, it might be the best piece of satire about the American Twilight ever. I ain’t even kidding.

“They maintain a relatively samey-portion of a shrinking rotten pie” is not exactly Happy News, though, either.

Tangential to the sad loss of some lives, of course, is the fact that “adventure vloggers” is the most 2018 phrase ever written.

So the answer to “What, were they high?” is “They were listening to the guy who was the most high.” Nice. Elegant.

I want to say “too little, too late, now that you can’t make any money off the bastard” to the agent but... James Wood is so odious that any and all dunking on the shitbird is appreciated.

Clearly, if he’s talking about first base, one of the few positions that the Yankees don’t seem to have a plan at with Bird injured/struggling, he’s thinking Yankees.

I could imagine Reyes signing in at a hotel as “Min Muncy”, sure.

I like to think when Lebron needs a phantom suspension, he’ll do Arena Football just to differentiate the brand a LITTLE.

“My cousins Terence and Trent can totally vouch for me!” Darby originally claimed

Honestly, watching two people trying to lose to each other in a game of Atari Pong sounds more exciting, he thought, fully admitting that he is himself the sort of deviant who sees elegance in a pitcher’s safety-bunt.

“How can we fuck up even worse than we have in the drafts already?” “We could... invest in virtual magic beans?” “PUT IT ALL ON BEANCOIN, BOYS!”

It’s at the point where the tag “Death to the NCAA” is about the only sane response to these horrors as well. Death to the NCAA.

That is the level of crime where a fair aspect of punishment is that he never has work as a public figure, ever. Absolutely.

When your only other points of reference are, like, McDonalds and Wendys or whatever, In-N-Out DOES seem amazing. It’s just... step outside that box and live a little and, yeah, no, it’s just pretty good. (The best fast food correct answer is Baja Fresh.)

The reason people freak so much about fair-weather fans is that the fatal flaw in human psychology is tribalism. We HAVE to have things like that to identify ourselves or we’re empty. Some people are evolved enough to not have their core identification as a human being not be “a bunch of rich people I’ve never met in…

Four cups... a sitting... sounds more right for me.

Also, how many counties does the UP need? I’ve driven through there, pretty country in the summer but... not a lot of people. Do they do, like, 15 person counties up there? Of voting age, congratulations, you are legally a county legislator?

To be fair, I react the same way when about half the Mets relievers take the mound too.

Meanwhile, the Mets still have 2018 Jose Reyes on the active roster because... the few hundred grand difference between his contract and the veterans minimum means too too much to the Coupons.