International soccer and college football are in some kind of weird existential duel to see which kind of disgusting might actually force people to give up on living their lives through sweaty young men. Jokes on them, people will never give that up no matter how awful the moneymen behind the proceedings are.

I mean, honestly, burn college sports down, right? No matter how much you like college sports, we gotta burn ‘em down.

They were supposed to beat the Nationals to help paper over the losses of my injury-faded Mets, dammit.

Braves fans’ arguement that Dale Murphy belongs in the Hall is almost as hilarious as Yankees fans’ arguement that Mattingly belongs in the Hall and as a mostly-suffering Mets fan I feast on both of their salty tears.

America would be so quick to eliminate the long-term ramifications of the drugged-up children of the underclass beat each others’ brains out for billionaires’ whims if only it wasn’t so entertained by the short-term thrills of watching the drugged-up children of the underclass beat each others’ brains out for…

Where I grew up people called joints “bingers” and therefore I desire them to be named that.

His donger is effective in at least two ways!

Kim Plausible?

If your film has two female characters talking about a rich cream-based sauce, it passes The Bechamel Test.

Good trolling, B+ but I deduct points for the dated “Hamilton” reference. The functional stereotypes of “the liberal elites” are cycling faster than facebook memes these days and the “Hamilton” crack was the equiv of sharing “Mr. T Ate My Balls” on your google-plus account.

Sometimes I just sit here and think... General Sherman, you did not go nearly far enough.

This... this stunt is maximum hipster douchebag, right? I mean, this is pretty privileged white people faking a horrible attack on themselves to get famous, this is... I’m not even sure what could be worse.

Where will the Braves fan not-go until the not-playoffs? Will a reporter be sent to ask Georgians on the street if they’re disappointed in the Braves this year only for every single person to answer with a non-sequitur about crushingly-dull college football minutiae?

I understand what you’re saying but I kind of like that all the toys are still in the toybox. They aren’t standalone movies or even stand-along franchises, y’know? Finality probably wasn’t the thing for kicking off the next wave of stories.

As an intermittent member of Metstwitter I can honestly tell you, they were more excited by this than making the damn World Series, it was so nuts.

I guess they’ll have to pivot on the “he was just a senile old man who we also say was an incredible tactician and motivational speaker, he didn’t understand what genitals even were” now.

There really oughta be an “Obvious Troll is Obvious” song. Have no idea what tune it would go to. Maybe “Androgynous” by The Replacements?

If porn has to edit out the assholes to run on cable, I am fine with ESPN doing it too.

If PEDs are harming the athletes long-term and they’re ruining their future health for short-term more money, I guess maaaaaaybe you could argue the union should protect the players against themselves? That’s a stretch but I could at least see it?

I vastly prefer this vastly to ”500 Days Of Some Woman I’ve Never Heard Of, Maybe From A Reality Show?”