It’s like the lawyer is Ded inside.

“one of their cats’ bedrooms” was the sneaky money-shot of the whole thing.

I cannot fathom how someone whose entire schtick is “pretend to be afraid of video games” has gotten this far. I mean, good for him, I’m not surprised he isn’t able to do much else when on a bigger stage but... I just don’t get the appeal.

Move ‘em to Hartford. The NHL isn’t the same without the Whalers in the role of the Packers.

If they released everything they bought/found/stole, there’d be a sleazy sort of nobility to it and I probably wouldn’t hate them. The fact that they sometimes sit on material as blackmail to get access is deeply deeply scummy.

If you can screw up the porous and easily worked-around piss testing in professional sports twice, it is almost impossible to imagine you not fucking it up a third time.

Outside of Boston, they pronounce it “Looster.”

I can’t tell if this is wonderful satire or someone with a mental disorder to just string together random words or if it is genuine and one of the seven seals at the end of time.

By Smashing Pumpkins you mean “Billy Corgan And A Bunch Of Session Players Who Really Needed The Money” right?

Tuesdays With Boorish.

I’m surprised he’s not trying to plea out, such as he is familiar with Bargainville.

If you basically accept that you are prematurely old and just listen to, like, Built to Spill and Warren Zevon, maybe a little Elliott Smith or Neil Young, it’s better. I’ve devoted myself to this approach and it works. You feel as old as Phil Collins’ ballsack but you’re okay.

Oh yeah, attendance in a season when everyone knows you’re moving is already great, good idea.

All of these facts about Pikachu also apply to me.

Tell your co-worker with the story about 500 days of some woman who is famous for some reason (?) about that. About the same article over and over being tedious.

C’mon, my Mets would LOVE to have an outside investor pay to bolster the bullpen, come to the Queens side, Tom.

Have you had Saranac’s Root Beer yet? Might be local bias as I grew up in Northern New York but to me it is revelatory.

I dunno. For me, I write jokes there, occasionally opine about events, that’s about it. Complain about the Mets sometimes. It’s feedback on little snippets of things I’m working on and it forced me to not be longwinded.

“Trading a dollar for a handful of nickels provides you with valuable metal not flimsy paper!” - some goddamned person with the 76ers.

I don’t literally believe it but there would be a weird cosmic order in the “9-11 Double Cross” where the Bush Administration worked with Bin Laden to create a bloodless hijacking to blame on Iraq and then, last second, flipped on him. It would allow for them being both maximally idiotic AND conspiratorial.