The pitcher suggests it was Woody, brewing up a batch of his famous Screaming Vikings.

Just as the First Amendment only says the GOVERNMENT can’t restrict your speech, so too the legal system. Just because a monstrous bastard found a money-loophole doesn’t mean that private citizens don’t have an ethical obligation to make up for that failing. If there was anything good in the NFL at all, they’d do that.

He looks like the corpse of Lloyd Kaufman after being beaten to death in the face by a shovel and that is so goddamned sad. MMA is one hell of a drug, I guess.

As a Mets fan, I am happy to see the “lost tens of millions a year on a shady deal” playing field leveled at the top of the National League East.

“At Least We Made It To The Finals” is the pity handjob of sport. Technically you accomplished something but in the end you just feel dirty and used up and you don’t wanna look anyone in the eye for a while.

“Young Gronk” is a very likely rap name, eventually.

Nick Swardson’s entire life is building toward playing this guy in a movie.

But for better or for worse, NFL football is 1,000,000 times better known in America than weightlifting. The third wide-receiver on the Jets probably has more name recognition than all the science Nobel Prize winners from the last ten years combined because we’re terrible people in a terrible culture. Can’t make money…

A horror movie that occurs there would be AMAZING.

I was gonna go for the same joke except with Daniel Murphy.

Darth Badguy.

It really is astonishing the way running for the Presidency has become this weird way to, like, make yourself famous enough to sell books/be a pundit/bank speaking fees. It’s not that they wouldn’t “like” to be president but that’s the happy accident if they hit the jackpot, y’know? House money, they MIGHT get to be…

See, I thought you wrote “Larry was fined” and I thought it was the world’s stealthiest Three Stooges joke ever.

“Our team whose name is racism-based couldn’t be racist!”

Yeah, cool it with Mr. Freese. It’s not like you’re friends, I doubt he’s ever even told you “ice to see you” let alone that you two have chilled.

I sure hope his retirement fund hasn’t been ridiculously mis-managed.

Benjamin Netanyahu is also suing but on the grounds the Nazi “doesn’t look Palestinian enough”.

Even my pop who doesn’t care much for sport and was mostly watching to humour me was like “jeez, that guy with the really shitty beard is terrible in left field”.

I love this headline in a way that would make Murphy VERY uncomfortable.

Reading the headline I imagined the Super Mario dying “doot-doo-DOOT-doo-DOOOOOT” song but in like a good way.