Guy wants to be president but he’s too crazy to be a mainstream Democrat and not NEARLY crazy enough to be a mainstream Republican. A “Stuck In The Middle With You” reference is doubly-good for this guy as he probably has tortured a man to death while dancing to that song.

Even worse, it’s just gonna be okay. Not awesome, not embarrassing, just forgetable competence glazed in a sheen of nostalgia. Workman-like I-guess-enough-stuff-blew-up popcorn flick. The world will have no idea what to do with “meh”.

“Your business choice to pander slightly less to unrepentant creepers in hopes of appealing to a broader audience is ILLEGALLY OPPRESSING ME!” This is where we are now.

Being shocked that a major college did this for basketball/football recruiting is like being shocked there was bribery involved in a FIFA thing... I just assumed everyone is always doing it.

To NOT think of, rather. Stupid sexy typos.

Upon Warthen’s statement, Daniel Murphy ran into the clubhouse to do 15 Hail Marys and took a shower to wash the gay off while trying desperately to think of Charlie Sheen’s cut-off sleeves in MAJOR LEAGUE.

I want to pretend that the reason I lost interest in the NFL was the murders, the wife beating, the child beating, the exploitive blind-eye turned to brain damage, etc, but ultimately I grew up a Bills fan and eventually it just made me hate football entirely. Let’s go Mets!

We’re at the point in this country where “praying for the victims” is active code for “fuck you, I’m doing nothing to fix this because I’m making money off it”. It’d be funny if it wasn’t so goddamn sad.

He’s tapping into his homophobic bigotry powers and making the balls go as far away from him as possible.

I just hate how we’re living in a culture now where people get to do all manner of madness but we can’t call ‘em on it until they admit it. Of course Daily Fantasy is gambling in some form, of course Benghazi was only a political move against Clinton, of course FIFA is corrupt at every step and every level, of course…

Serious question: do soccer fans realize that non-soccer fans just assume top to bottom corruption at all levels in soccer all the time? Is this actually a shocking thing? As someone without a dog in this hunt, I just assume that all FIFA things were determined by bribery. Are there rose-coloured glasses on fans just…

Honestly, as a Mets fan but also as a human being, I hate that Murphy’s a proud bigot and I’ll be happy to see him go but if he wants to carry the team this fall, I’ll take it.

Me, I just wanna put on a turban and stand outside of the Long Island Medium tour stops and tell people “I can see you are very gullible” “I can see that you believe anyone who says things with a sense of authority” “I can see that you like being told what you want to hear”.

Nothing more American than exploited workers protesting in defense of their abusive employers because the desperation of our economy has mind-fucked them into Stockholm Syndrome. Welcome, immigrants, you have assimilated in the most important way.

Guys guys guys, don’t you know this is REALLY about ethics in traffic reporting?

I deeply hope someone who needs a fifth for an outfield-and-DH rotation signs him for next year so he can limp to 3000. I don’t even know WHY but I do.

Cue a torrent of acrobatsplaining.

Our internet comments are just brain-selfies.

As a Mets fan, I approve of the Yankees being better without Jeter than with him. A-Rod as their star and the main bat that drove them to a wild card? Love it.

They have broken my heart a thousand times but they occasionally don’t and this is a good primer for life as a human being. Toughens one to the fact that most of the time everything goes wrong but every once in a while, things are briefly amazing. It prepared me for life as a Democrat, that’s for sure.