On the other hand, us guys don't have to worry very much about being sexually assaulted...so we've got that goin' for us...which is nice.

Feminazi stole my ice cream. But im a nice guy :(

Hey I found this trillby just laying over here on the ground—did you lose your hat?

No one's slick as Gaston

I love my cats. But I would never take them to a restaurant or bring them shopping with me! I did try to bring my cat into a Waffle House once, but that's because we were moving cross-country and it was cold as fuck outside. Did I throw a fit when they asked me to leave her outside? NO. I put her in the truck,…

[popcorneating.gif]

"ETA: I don't mean actually fuck it."

Uber, are you just smashing all these fruits into your mouth? I'm sort of worried about how many of them are juicing up your face. Maybe, you know, slice or eat with a fork? I'm picturing you in a high chair, just slamming fist-fulls of juicy fruits into your gob.

Uber, I will keep my opinions about your rankings to myself, but I do think you need to amend this list to include the following caveat:

There are reasons why white gun's rights activists can walk into a Chipotle restaurant with assault rifles and be seen as gauche nuisances while unarmed black men are killed for reaching for their wallets or cell phones, or carrying children's toys. Guns aren't for black people, either.

I would so eat that pretzel, without the salt though. I don't like soft pretzels with salt. I always get it plain or with cheese.

Wait. When were we "good?"

Yes, because your own personal amusement no matter the impact on people around you is all that matters.

And if a) pointing out that someone is ridiculously wasteful by taking one of the most expensive cuts of meat in the world and demanding a cooking process that eliminates every aspect of flavor and texture that has…

Awww, is somebody upset because they might actually have to fairly compensate the people who keep their business running?

You mean to say that a Christian corporation doesn't actually give a fuck about the children they so loudly and repeatedly claim to care about, but instead they're just a bunch of self-serving, greedy capitalists!? I'm shocked.

Credit Smithwellette:

If you got paid in 85% dollar bills you'd have a fat wad of cash too.