Do you like stories involving death, romance, resurrection, and penises? WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

How did 3D Doritos not make this list? HOW?!?

Yeah, it's a 'Sconnie thing. I went to Eau Claire! :D

...Did you go to Madison? :D

Or course you pistol whip him. That's how people know you mean business.

There's a TON of minor antigens, but ABO and RhD are just the most important ones, ie, the ones that are most likely to lead to death if mismatched. RhD is either positive or negative (your + or -) and mostly comes into play for transfusions and for pregnant woman (An A- woman, for example, pregnant from a B+ man, has…

Only Brad Paisley is allowed to suck at a Brad Paisley concert!

Aw, like father like daughter!

Congratulations. Emily is gonna grow up to be literally the worst.

It's enough to make you wish you were a cuttlefish. Females actually get to discard any unwanted sperm-packets they got from forced copulations— or from substandard males they mated with voluntarily, but whose offspring they just don't want. Fucking cuttlefish, man, they're light-years ahead of us.

As my mom would say "Just give it a quick rinse, it will be fine!" I mean, this was obviously just dropped on the floor but we can save it!

Right. Heterosexual, cisgendered, happily married man in his 30's who definitely felt the, "Every girl's friend, no girl's boyfriend," shit in high school/college.

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

so drink it then take your receipt or empty "exploded" bottle in?

What a precious rosebud he is.

This is so surreal. I've been working with Ross on some nonprofit projects as of late, and he couldn't be a nicer guy. That child meant the world to him, and he is in absolute hell right now. Please send thoughts of sympathy to him and his family.

My first thought was "Who the fuck is Colin?" But I remembered.

Well-played.