It’s like every person you hate assembling to form an Asshole Voltron.

FML I hate this FML I hate this FML I hate this FML I hate this

Third-party voters and the “They’re equally bad, so I just didn’t vote!” geniuses as well.

1. Chandler

All bark and no bite!

“If the football team did this the school would probably be willing to cancel the soccer season”

Right? That’s what’s so particularly derp about this—when the candidate is already the Hermione Granger of politics, she doesn’t need any help! Argh!

I can imagine his Christmas cards this year:

Someone with Twitter please, please appeal to Alec, Daniel, and Billy to gang up on Stephen and give him ALL of the purple nurples and pink bellies.

Sources close to Mariah tell us rumors about her relationship with Bryan Tanaka are completely false. We’re told Mimi has a long-standing rep as a “traditional girl,” and wouldn’t blow that for anyone.

“Turn up the flow on my oxygen tank, Eunice! We’re going to get jiggy with it!”

if you haven’t already, i highly recommend you read World War Z by Max Brooks - it’s an oral history of the zombie war, written after humanity has begun to take back control of society, and it touches on a lot of this kind of stuff

Yah despite the shit acting, it was setting itself up for an interesting arc, and then they were like, ELECTRICITY-EATING NANOMACHINES AND SECRET UNDERGROUND SOCIETIES! and I went, hard meh.

When my boyfriend watched The Hunger Games for the first time, his reaction to Gale was “Do you think he’s so sad all the time because he’s not as attractive as his brother, Thor?”

Yes. Be frugal all you want. Rewash paper plates and tinfoil, use teabags until they barely tan the water, wear those old clothes from college until they unravel off your body. Live with your 1973 avocado and gold kitchen and rust shag carpet and whatever else you want. You’re not hurting anybody.

But it ended up OK. Babu went on to change his name, become a gynecologist, gain Indian citizenship, and father Rajesh Koothrappali.

An Arnold and an Epstein joke tied neatly together I like it.

Trump has inspired the best Double Creatures. My favorite:

“Hey man, Nice shot”

Republicans will finally get to know what it feels like to be forced to carry something to term that you never wanted. I hope the entire party implodes!