‘Where was the semen?’ = worst party game ever.

“It’s not lewd, it’s sexual assault.”

Altoids on the other hand fully denounced Trump. Considering they are not involved in this, I found their statement to be curiously strong.

Average racists and rapists love the rapists are dark scary people who jump out of bushes narrative. Makes them feel better about themselves, like they aren’t that bad.

Good luck, Kate! Don’t blow it!

Guys. Guys? Guys.

• Christina Aguilera once “called a staffer from the other end of the house to get something like a towel that was mere feet away from her.”

And I looked and beheld a pale man, with skin like the belly of a slug. In his right hand he held a machete, and in his left hand he held the decapitated head of a cheetah from a game reserve in Africa. And lo, his name was Eric.

Short pants with knee socks is a fucking adorable outfit for a little boy, and I will fight anyone who disagrees.

C-K strikes again. Must be a member of BigAlbuterol.

I’m pretty sure it’s something like this:

In all seriousness, people voting for this guy need to have their citizenship revoked and be immediately exiled.

Holy shit. The way he is climbing out of that shower reminds me of the girl coming out of the telly in Ring, but he is so, so hot. Vaginaconfusion.

No, clowns ruined clowns. You cannot time travel to a time where people are not afraid of clowns because they are inherently scary.

No, these Killer Klowns From Outer Space did

“We are coming”

This is going to bring out all of the “my parents beat me and I turned out fine” crowd and marry them to the “she’s a homewrecking slut” crowd. Lovely.

Well he was in that one club that was all about fighting. Can’t think of the name of it.

Let the circus begin. No matter what happens people will still find a way of blaming Angelina . They still hate her for ‘splitting up a marriage’ and Brad came out of that unscathed even though he’s a grown man who can be held accountable for his own decisions. Christ I’m now ranting.

I’m quite confused by my own reaction - because genuinely I normally don’t care about celebrity break ups - but damn Brangelina. I feel like a bit of love has died. It’s just sad.