We had a dude meticulously scrubbing his nuts in the bathroom sink once but I wasn't working that day because I always miss the good stuff.

This is NOTHING compared to the shit real waitresses deal with on the daily, but when I worked at Barnes and Noble, I used to sub in the Cafe. It's Starbucks-affiliated, so we had to write the names of customers on their cups. Nothing beats the time a man came in with his significant other, ordered both of their…

Let me just say I hate my mom's dog. For real. She replaced me when I went to college and she runs the house now so I don't really get a say in the matter, but I believe animals have personalities that are unique and if Sassie were a person, we would not be friends. My mom is obsessed though — and rightly so. The dog…

YES. I was mildly interested at the time. Kind of like, "Huh. Would ya look at that." 90% of my thoughts were still centered around how I could convince them there was no need to put a needle in my arm and I also remember looking down around that moment and noticing my shirt was on backwards and inside out.

I am from North Dakota and 99% of my Facebook is full of people bitching and bitching and bitching about this. Someone asked how he could waste tax dollars on this (?) but it was mostly racist bullshit and stupid cracks about driving out to the rez and confronting him about being The Worst Ever. Nothing is dumber than…

idk they told me that when they took the tonsils out, each one bled about four times more than your average tonsil so I guess they were just destined to burst back open and continue ruining my life

On top of the hellacious burning sensation and the rough-blowjob-esque gurgle-gag-crying while three people hold your mouth open, it's one of the most unique and unforgettable experiences of a lifetime... you GET me, I feel.

This happened to me and a contact I had "lost" in my eye. Spoiler alert: my parents and I were just yanking on the top layer of my eye for an hour or so before they called the family optometrist and made him come to his office for a special late-night visit. I was 12 and his son was veryyyy popular in my grade, so I…

This is a very, very hazy memory, so forgive if it gets a little disjointed. I got my tonsils out about three days before my 18th birthday because they had grown so big that they were sucking blood from my head and making me dizzy enough to miss school sometimes because I couldn't stand up. I am a very small person…

I'm still bitter about the day my best friend demoted me to the number-two spot in favor of her sister and I couldn't retaliate because I'm an only child. I feel it, man.

Not true! Having it private makes people super interested and they will request to follow you just to see if you are a super hawt gurl~~ and you post a lot of selfies. Wait to approve the request a little bit so that they have forgotten about you and don't check and realize you're pretty boring right away. Then…

So you wait until it is late at night when only lurky pre-teens and people on the other side of the world are on. Go to the popular page. Look for either a really hot girl or a car or something, no niche shit like nail art. Click on a random person who has commented there and make sure the number of people they're…

I am 22 and I have not come to confirm, nor have I come to deny.

I will tell you, however, that my ratio is 97 to 1100 and it took me a long-ass time.

The Obamas are traveling to my home state for the first time ever within the next few weeks. All anyone I have on my Facebook can say is "Wow, first time in North Dakota and they're going to the RESERVATION? Thanks, OBama." I...why is that bad? I just don't know why everything they do is The Worst Ever. Then there…

I have a variety of these because I suck a lot but this one is a real gem. My freshman year, a boy invited me to a Halloween party and even though I had NO money to my name, I scraped up some from my mom and my roommates and bought a kids' pink leopard costume. I am 5'0" so it fit reasonably well after I cut off the…

The first edible experience I had involved eating a brownie right before watching the Gyllenhaal classic, The Prince of Persia. It's a really odd movie involving time travel that is difficult to follow, even dead sober. My roommate and I spent the entire two hours asking each other, "Do you feel it? Is it working? Or…

Speaking of, if you saw a young woman on the street selling boob-shaped cookies to partially fund her implants (and she maybe even explained to you that when she was significantly overweight no one told her getting fit would zap her of any boobness she had so she is very jaded and disappointed about the unfair nature…

Yeah, that's how I remember hearing it as a kid on an episode of Hogan Knows Best. I'm not proud of the generational gap pointed to by the fact that my association is with trashy Vh1 reality shows instead of a classic kids' book but it is what it is, I suppose.

Not really on topic, but Mark Shrayber OWNS the weekends. DAMN, son, get it.

But...if we show the middle schoolers the blackface now along with a whole lesson about how and why it is wrong, won't it lessen the chances of them showing up wearing it to a frat party seven years down the line?