Bet you were a fucking giant, too.

WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ASKING DREW FOR CLEANING ADVICE I AM RIGHT HERE

Drizzling down your chin as you eat a burger? Mixing with your corned beef hash? Pouring its innards all over an Eggs Benedict? Why, the nerve! It’s like they want something that TASTES FUCKING DELICIOUS! You, sir, are the heathen in this situation. It sounds like your brains are just as scrambled as your eggs.

Exactly. The kids that came of age when Facebook was cool, are now old, and no longer give a fuck about facebook. And the young kids sure don’t want anything to do with it because their grandparents are on it.

I could’ve told you this months ago. Me and my 15 year old friends only use Snap Chat to talk.

French fries

After seeing Tejada and Kang get their legs snapped last season, I’m okay with the rule. Screw unwritten rules and “playing the game the right way.”

Don’t you have some Two and Half Men fan fic you should be working on? You shouldn’t be using all your good material on deadspin.

“Foodies" are the worst kind of people. We all eat girl, we all eat. It doesn't make you special. Go ahead and eat that emu reduction served in the nose of a dead falcon.

There were 2 reasons I chose our pediatrician, and it was based on negative Yelp reviews.

NO! Nothing in this world is as bad a fucking “Calliou.” I will watch endless hours of “Daniel Tiger” before I even fathom watching “Calliou.” It’s a little known fact that “Calliou” is used in secret CIA prisons as an interrogation method so cruel that the Hague has come knocking.

Elizabeth Warren and the character Gina from Brooklyn 99 can stay.

When I was like 7 we were in groups doing a story writing exercise where everyone takes turns making up a part of a story and our story was about a camping trip. This boy Jack wrote a portion of the story in which he pulled a prank and pantsed the girls in our group in front of the camp. Not one to suffer fools, in my…

let me tell you how many casting notices i’ve seen that specify white/caucasian only

Yeah maybe the language is off, but I worked in a casting office for a summer and it’s pretty par for the course for a call for certain ethnicities for certain roles as well as man/woman, young/old, etc. It’s kind of the nature of casting...

In a 1976 letter, the KKK threatened Alabama’s Attorney General Bill Baxley for going after the perpetrators of the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing in Birmingham, Alabama. They compared him to John F. Kennedy, and made him an “honorary n****r.” Baxley responded, on official state letterhead, as follows:

I never have understood why people who are fired or leave their jobs, decide to willingly burn every bridge they have on the way out. As if noone in their industry has connections that may or may not lead to them getting a future job.

This the entire fucking Western Civilization. We are all lazy and living in a house of cards. This guy’s gonna blow our house down because of Elle fucking magazine? NO THANKS. /goes back to reading tumblr on the clock