To paraphrase the Great Arlo Guthrie, looks like he went out and got drunk the night before so he would look and feel his best for the occasion.

“You had Emily Ratajkowski and Kendall Jenner promoting it,”

I believe he refers to it as Baja South America

Not enough kids are dead. Plus they’re black. And it’s in California. Isn’t that part of Mexico?

Serious, decent person comment: This is a terrible way to go and I feel awful for this man and his loved ones.

Extant daguerrotype is definitely my band name - just as soon as I can stop spelling daguerreotype.

It’s too bad Mar a Lago will be under three feet of water by then.

Where does the body of dead president James K. Polk belong?

Oh ugh no. I just like to dress up a little when I’m in court versus when I’m just in the office all day. I like heels.

Goddamnit. I wear out every pair of heels I go through within months and I only wear heels (in court all day) so I pretty much buy exclusively at payless.

Jesus fucking Christ. Okay so,, I am BLASTED right now (I somehow got convinced to chug a whole fucking pitcher of Bud Light, which like why the fuck am I able to be convinced to do such a thing when im 29 years fucking old but whatever), so Iam just gonna stream of conscious this, which I feel like I am already…

this was a colossal f up on all levels, and i feel like mike owned it, but come on peta, no epps crowd has been boisterous in decades...

Yes, those children in front of whom he dragged their mother up the stairs by her hair.

Don’t pull rank on my ass. :p

*im drunk rn

I’m gonna guess that it belongs to an ex-Marine bear in San Diego

My prediction; Both sides say saur-ry.

My prediction; Both sides say sorry.

Let the spirit flow through you, and remember, God would want you to choose only the finest hickory for the bat.

In fact, I think God’s Plan for this dude is a pair of smashed kneecaps, and I’m feeling a calling from the Lord.