When I was like 6 or 7, (maybe younger), a woman in a public restroom pried the lock open while I was sitting on the toilet. She stared at me, horrified, clutching her toddler (who apparently had to go), yelled sorry and slammed the door.

I am panicking right now because if all this means that ‘they are just like us’ THEN WHY AM I NOT A PRINCESS?

I fist-bumped the last guy I had sex with. It sort of conveyed everything that needed to be said.

Really, really looking forward to the apology, to see how they’re going to explain this.

My name is Tituss Burgess. Im an Emmy Nominated Actor for Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt currently streaming on netflix.

I refer to myself as “The Forgotten Finger.”

Yes! So much yes!! It’s official, people! Kate Garner has been cast as the female lead in my mind-movie.

Sometimes, when I read about Leo’s new girlfriends, I think of him as the sort of male lead in a female-driven romantic comedy. He’s kind and charming, he rides a bike, boyishly handsome, likes to get a drink and hang with his mates, but he always dates the same type of woman: Models who don’t understand him. This is…

I am feeling irrationally proud that you guys have noticed a Danish band. Like, I want to translate all the songs, (which I’ve never actually heard before), just to let you know what they’re singing.

Oh, god, then where am I from?? My passport says Denmark, but this is obviously a lie!

PRINCE HARRY: Yeah, yeah, I’ll get it the fuckin’ tea.

My laughter at this moment is disproportionate to how funny this is.

I called my mom and cried because I’m poor.

Ellen DeGeneres is taking it upon herself to “save” Justin Bieber “before he implodes.”

Well, tbh, I watched porn right after reading about their engagement, so I guess that’s a yes.

Maybe someone told her that she looked great with cat-eye makeup, and she misheard.

Me neither... - But then, my country doesn’t have any SeaWorlds! :-)

“I think they should leave it, the children will never see something like this again, and I think it’s terrible to take them away, I do,” said another elderly visitor.

I would, and I’m not even American.

I only know Jeremy Piven from Mr. Selfridge, so I keep wondering if he actually knows how to work a smartphone. Maybe dick-pics were accidental?