Inviting your 19-year-old girlfriend to a board game night, while you, yourself, are pushing 50?

you invite her over for Parcheesi and she shows up with her switch....

San Francisco has a ballot measure on permanent closure of JFK Drive in Golden Gate Park. I say, turn it all in to pickleball courts!

you’re welcome!

They need to ask boys about their puberty calendar and masturbation schedule.

The marriage to Kidman was approaching ten years, at a time when Cruise’s career was ascending and Kidman’s was treading water. California law says after ten years the spouse gets half of future earnings, so Cruise wanted to end things before the deadline.

Turned out well for Nicole, whose career has blossomed ever…

sounds like Novack’s husband might have been one of Maxwell’s clients.  Or maybe Maxwell taught Novack how to be “sadistic and evil”.  

Massa Jim just wants all the kids on the plantation up at the big house so he can get them practicing two a days starting at age 4.

“San Diego police, have a standard response time of 33.4 minutes, despite a goal of 14 minutes.”

They could get Joe Manchin to come over and piss on the roads, like he pisses on everything else. Should cool things off since he is cold blooded.

does that mean Madison Cawthorn can’t go? where is Matt Gaetz going to take his dates?

Why isn’t he dating Madison Cawthorn?  They seem like a perfect match!

poopy mothers choose Jif!

is that why she has such a fat ass?

This young man, he played ten,
He played knick-knack with his friends;
With a knick-knack Tallywhack,
slip a child his bone,
Mister Cawthorn came rolling home.

good on you mom!

Is there a formal slang term for marrying one’s beard?

The problem with Sorkin is he never shuts the fuck up. Imagine having sex with Sorkin and having Jed Bartlett homilies in your ear.

they were hoping the readers would swarm...

two seater and no room for an overnight bag. not using this to go away for the weekend.

the driver in this scenario does not come off looking like a bright individual.