Maybe don’t call a place populated mostly by poor minorities and which has been reeling from the decimation of the manufacturing business and white flight ‘the butthole of America’. I take it that you drove through in your Landrover and decided the view wasn’t to your liking and you hustled home to Greenwich, CT.

and BEFORE YOU FUCKERS EVEN START WITH ME

There is a special place in hell for people who order delivery during snowstorms. And in that hell, crab rangoon will always be Three. Blocks. Away.

There was a post going around Tumblr not too long ago talking about how we need a Vin Diesel x The Rock romcom where they raise a bunch of kids while working undercover for the government. I have NEVER wanted something so badly in my life. (Not even financial security.)

Are you kidding it? I’m LOVING it. Fox News comments right now are more fun pages full of captioned cats. Look at some of these gems!

I heartily agree with your disagreement.

In college, I was in LOVE with this dude two years older who was frat brothers with one of my good platonic friends. My love burned so bright, up to and including the only time we ever talked, which happened when I passed him walking down the stairs at the frat house, and he said “What’s up, NotJoeyLee3?” I should…

OK. I’ll bite.

Not a hookup story per say, but this is a good time to brag about the most genius thing I ever did. I’m at that magic age where somehow we are invited to somewhere between 4-10 weddings every year. Long ago, when he was just a quasi-boyfriend, I convinced my now-husband that it was an Irish tradition that everyone had…

I have two friends from college who got together after graduation and got married a few years later. After their rehearsal dinner, I slept with the bride’s younger brother (a highlight: we’re grinding away when all of a sudden I jump up, run out to the porch of his room, naked, to throw up in the parking lot—I learned…

Back in the 80s, a friend from college invited me to be her bridesmaid. We lived hundreds of miles from each other, and had only exchanged brief letters in the years since graduation. I shouldn’t have accepted, but I thought it would be fun to see her and the people we used to hang out with.

Wedding in Israel, on a kibbutz in the middle of nowhere (well, as much as you can be in the middle of nowhere in Israel, it’s a small place). I’m at a singles table of three women and eight men, I’m not feeling particularly interested in any of them, but then one of them remarks to my friend that he works in his…

I wouldn’t want someone finishing near my stove.

I’ve never had a wedding hook-up. However, at my best mate’s wedding, where I was one of the bridesmaids, I was propositioned by the bride’s 12-year-old nephew. I’m not sure he knew exactly what was supposed to happen in these encounters, but clearly had the idea that it involved offering to buy me a drink and the…

In some other timeline where I didn’t step in, my friend might have had a good crazy wedding hookup story to contribute. She and a super hot (although in retrospect maybe he was just British) groomsman were drunkenly making out a bunch at the reception, and as we were about to leave, he was definitely insinuating that…

This is a long one, but I think it’s pretty great. Please excuse any typos.

Two friends from college got married, and it was a doozy of a wedding. My friends actually went to college with my best friend from high school, so over the course of college and the following decade her friends became mine, and vice versa.…

This is not my story. I was merely an observer on this crazy wedding hook-up ride.

“Your English is great. You almost sound totally American. It's nice to hear someone actually try.”