But it's specifically called Irish coffee because it's alcoholic. You know, like the Irish.

I've always had a really good memory, and was very good at memorizing pieces and poems, especially Shel Silverstein poems. My parents were very proud of their little elocutionist-out-of -time prodigy and had me recite for various relatives. Once when I was around six they started tossing around the idea that I should…

When I was seven, I also drew a man and woman, anatomically correct and naked and stabbed with knives with the simple caption "YOU." I left the sketch taped to my grandfather's front door. He had just died, and my parents were selling his house. The realtor came by with a prospective couple, while I stood next door…

I was a pretty weird kid, but a lot of those stories aren't funny-weird as much as signs of impending emotional disturbances.

OMG! That reminds me of the day my dad told me my mom had been fired. — since I was maybe four year old, I thought she had literally been set ablaze. I was pretty sure I was supposed to feel sad that my mom was dead, but my dad didn't seem all that fazed, so I kept my festerign grief to myself. You can imagine my…

When I was in 2nd grade, my class made gingerbread cookies. The teachers orchestrated an elaborate ruse where they pretended the gingerbread cookies ran away. They left flour trails around the school, and wrote messages from the gingerbread cookies with chalk. Messages like "Run run as fast as you can, can't catch…

My mom was a postpartum nurse and my older brothers and I spent many days in the waiting room with other kids whose mommies couldn't find babysitters for last minute shift. On one day long visit I heard a woman in labor screaming and moaning like she was being murdered. I have never and will never give birth and this…

I (and my best friend, but it was my idea) dragged a wagonload of rocks from my gravel driveway around our neighborhood, selling them door to door. Because we were little (about four) and cute, we made like $5, which in 1975 was really good money for a preschooler.

One time when I was playing with the dolls that my grandmother would buy me in an attempt to make me a girly girl, I stripped the clothes off all of them except for one. I then arranged all of the naked dolls in a circle around the clothed doll, with their legs bent back and their arms up, clearly worshipping her. My…

Not mine, but Barnacle Bill was 2 when his little sister was born. His mom had gone through a pretty rough labor, so when he went into see her she was pale and exhausted.

When I was 4 years old, my pappap passed away. Being 4, I didn't have much of a concept of what death meant - I probably kept asking when he was coming back. My parents explained to me that people get old, and when they get old, they will die and go away forever.

When my dad was driving my brother, his friend and me home from school when I was in kindergarten, his friend was talking about how his class was having a Thanksgiving play. I thought to myself, "I want to be in a Thanksgiving play", so I chimed in that my class was having one too! I said that there were so many…

Around age 7 I was obsessed with Transformers. When my parents bought a Suburban I was convinced it was Optimus. I would lie down in the third row and talk to him. We were going to get married.

I was 8 years old when I went into my parent's bedroom one morning while my parents were still asleep and saw my Dad had a boner. I totally freaked out, woke my Mom up by dragging her out of the bed, and called 911 because I thought it was a chestburster from Aliens.

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

Hey, homophobes, if it makes you feel better, y'all can pretend Sarah is just Suzanne's Goodfriend.

My husband died. I moved on eventually. Some British nobleman tried wooing me. I fell for him. We boned in a Liverpool hotel. He asked me to marry him. I said no, and then cut my hair short.

I created an account JUST to reply to this.

Wow, the comments here are so bad. Where do guys get the idea that 1. marriage proposal will win an ex back and 2. that would in any way make the proposer's life better?

@Joile- for some reason I decided that getting a traditional Indian arranged marriage was a good idea. So after meeting the guy once- our families got together and his parents proposed to mine. They accepted. (yes- that's exactly how it went down)