Sorry, Mark. Pretty misleading. Looks like all he did was joke back when she made a silly typo. She shut him down, for sure, but I was expecting a lot more than "It can be ;)" as a "pickup". Pretty weak.

This isn't a horror story as much as it's a story about family craziness. My dad's family is kind of big. He's one of 6 kids, 5 boys. All of my uncles and my dad...well, they're whores. Like...seriously. They are a group of good-looking black men with former military service, good jobs and cool personalities and that…

This year is the very worst. I have been run out of Ferguson because my house is right next to the fires. I am crashing on an air mattress three hours away with my two dogs at my mother's house, a woman I try to limit my encounters with to twice a year at best for various reasons. Some highlights from yours truly, the…

Last year, when my relatives found out I not only had a girlfriend, I have an Indian, Muslim girlfriend who makes more money than all of them.

my fiancé drunkingly announced to everyone that we are getting married. Supposed to be a surprise. A Christmas surprise.

Have you ever been attacked by wild turkeys?

she literally has the best hair. i want tay to get her curls back and then i will lose my mind.

Waiter, *angrily*: "Well, maybe I will come to your country then. And eat all of your bread!"

I think he's in for a surprise, because a really sizable portion of women in my general age group had a crush on the Robin Hood who was literally and figuratively a fox.

My mum once wrote to the author Bill Bryson because she laughed so much at one of his books that I thought she was crying because she missed my recently deceased dad and I spent half an hour panicking about it. He sent a lovely handwritten postcard back apologizing.

Not all shelters have the same owner request euthanasia procedures - my shelter will perform owner requests with the owner and family members and friends present. It is an injection, pretty much exactly like what would happen in a vet's office. And we are low cost and in many cases, we will do it for a very low fee…

I want to meet her so badly, if only to say- "Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just have to tell you: I love you(r voice)."

When Christmas took Chanukkah, I did nothing, because I was not Jewish.

Some of my many many many awful stories that come to mind ...

Delivering subs and having a frat boy try to grope me and his roommate not just stiff me but actually short me and when I said something he started pelting me with change...

Another time at a different job at a different non-mob pizza/sit down Italian place…

PSA: guys, stop girlfriend-zoning people

So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the vioce is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

I'm a little disappointed that Mindy didn't flip that into free drinks. "Carrying around this Nobel Prize sure tuckers a girl out....how about you go grab me a bottle of the good stuff because Peace Prize."

Keep trying, folks. You've almost got the Hengjavik.

I have an almost disproportionate hatred of the Mercator projection. In my native land we dismissed it as ridiculous and laughable and used pretty much any other one, but here's it's the default.