Some people won't be happy until the Bible's the only book left in the library.

I remember the nurse gently wiping my ass for me while I screamed at my husband, "LOOK AWAY, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LOOK AWAY".

Damn, fuck the police just took on a whole new meaning.

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

Someone's going to do it...

"SHE WILL ATTRACT BEARS." That pretty much nails the absurd fear behind the shame we attach to being on our periods, doesn't it?

when tennant did his natural accent in that one ep of dr who i was like WHEEZE WHEEZE PANT PANT

SUCH a Toby fangirl over here. I don't know if it's the politics or the grumpiness, but I had a dream a couple of nights ago that I was married to him in the late 1800s. It was pretty much the best dream I've ever had.

Ve haff vays aaf making you come.

Hyperarticulate political shop talk. I had my sexual awakening to The West Wing (Sam Seaborn and Jed Bartlet are my forever crushes) and later dated a speechwriter for about a year. He'd take me to his work parties and I'd get super turned on just listening to him network. I don't know, guys.

My best friend is a 5'3" tiny woman, and she runs all the time. Once she was alone and a dude on his bike smacked her ass. So she shoved him off his bike and yelled, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT WEARING A HELMET, ASSHOLE!!!" and then ran off.

Clearly, when it comes to this guy's personality, there's groom for improvement.

This isn't insane, but still one of my fondest travel memories.

By the time I was 6, I had two little sisters. We went on our first family vacation that year, and (now that I know what kind of hell it is to share a hotel room with children) my parents weren't exactly relaxing. By the end of the trip, their plan was to load up the car while we were all still asleep (when you're…

Oh let's DO this! I'll try and narrow it down to one good one, but I have too many to count. This one is long, but worth it.

I happily love in Quebec, Canada, where taking on your spouse's name is not allowed by law and generally seen by society as old-fashioned.

To all those vendors:

I can't stop laughing at the 'god bless'

I once had someone send me a somewhat suggestive email and I responded with a friendly "hey, I don't think this is for me. Please be careful to check the address when sending emails!" I thought it was a mistake.

I take it you never saw the complete gold that was Tom Hiddleston and Chris Hemsworth faceblended?

Here you go - you might need to prepare your naughty bits.