I won a ring at the fucking carnival off some toothless meth afficianado. Don’t see ME whining.

Caity is Bruce now.

I enjoyed this more than I should have.

The Cryin’ Hawaiian

I’ve officially exhausted the well of can’t evens.

That’s too bad. The Olympic committee had already earmarked a decrepit old fishing boat for the Chechen delegations sleeping quarters.

Have you seen how fast they run?

+1 Left field.

The private location is actually a tourbus, with the last stop being the side of the jersey turnpike.

FIFA should finally just accept fact, and changes its initials to WWE.

+1

Sounds gay. Wait until his wife finds out.

It’s engrained in our nation’s collective psyche, to ALWAYS forget Quebec.

After conquering one fabled American past-time, The Canadians’ will now set their sights on mastering morbid obesity and abject racism.

“That fateful day of racial terrorism”

This is so weird. You know, because hanging one’s self is not something a mentally ill person would do.

I expect this sort of Laissez-faire journalism from Drew, not you.

I’ll be honest Barry, I have no fucking clue what is going on here.

Blight Privilege

In defense of Will Allen, he was completely misinformed as to the nature of this plot. He assumed this was a ploy against his arch-nemesis Fonzi, to get back at him for smooching the girl of whom Allen had been going steady with.