I believe you, but I don't want to believe this person actually exists.

What are the odds that the men who would actually fuck her know how to read?

Amen.

May we all have such a towel so we can get laid when we need the orgasms for cramp control.

I love imagining her picking out her collars based on how pissed she is at a decision. "Oh, I am going full-on starched cotton on this bitch!"

I'd go watch it, but I heard they make you constantly stand up and sit back down again during the movie.

So.. is this a new series, Canadians in cars getting coffee?

"We do not hire strippers for the event because some of the guys are older and have wives "

I'm thinking it will be a little something like...

For a lot of women, on the commode is the most comfortable place to birth. Their feet can touch the ground and it is open. It's basically a birthing stool for when you don't have a birthing stool.

She was preparing you for getting shit on by life itself. It was a kindness, really.

My mom pooped on my face right after I popped out. It is her favorite story.

Birth, a.k.a. "taking a number 3"

You mean to say that a Christian corporation doesn't actually give a fuck about the children they so loudly and repeatedly claim to care about, but instead they're just a bunch of self-serving, greedy capitalists!? I'm shocked.

"UGH YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" is something I yell at Dawkins' twitter account often.

Why oh why must he be one of the most public faces of atheism?! Dude, you are not helping!

You're tripping over your hindsight. Obviously, the pilot could've waited until he'd blown the plane up to ask for the commandos to storm the plane, but of course if that was the SOP by then the passengers would have been scattered all over the Midwest. And I'd really rather pilots concentrate on flying the plane,…