From Brass Bonanza to Sad Trombone

“He doesn’t, obviously, have the touch to produce all the time,”

*Rex Ryans bursts in, wheezing*
Heard the...headline...need to...hear more.

The Cubs ownership would dearly like you to be a white nationalist but please can you make sure to do your white nationalism in a way that will not be publicly linked to them.

Can you imagine lucking into a situation where you get to ride LeBron James to a championship, then being out of work for a year because everyone knows you’re not that great of a coach and you rode LeBron James to a championship, and then, because the front office of a team trying to ride LeBron James to a…

Is there a number I need to get at the counter to get in line to write for the NYT, or will they just call my name when it’s my turn?

This blog’s written in... NEE-YEW YAUWURK CITEH?!?!? 

“The White House” is just what Tim Thomas calls the shed where he keeps his survival rations.

Um, he means the sleepy players missed the plane to DC. Why bring race into this?!

Well, so I’m tending bar up there at the Land of Always Winter last Tuesday and this little guy’s drinking and he says, “So where can a guy find some action? I’m goin’ crazy out there at the frozen lake.” And I says, “What kind of action?” And he says, “Dragon action. What do I look like?” And I says, “Well what do I…

...and then, as he impales Theon with the broken spear shaft, Night King says, ‘Stick save!’

I’ve been calling him Climate Change for a while.

I kind of wish he had a super heavy Minnesotan accent, and I also kind of wish when he killed Theon he would have looked right at the camera and had asked: “Cold enough for ya?”.

This was just fucking fantastic. Well done, Kelly Harris. 

Relax, Trump will be there soon with more paper towels. 

Psh, whatever. SOROS is probably just trucking that water in with his fleet of autonomous robot trucks (taking good JOBS from real AMERICAN TRUCKERS) to try and convince us that climate change is real. Nice try, libs, we know you can control the weather.

Beating elicits beating.

So the two best sluggers on Earth can’t get a major league spot?

5'6", 300 is basically spherical; no wonder the reflexes kicked in