Note: The first published version of this article mistakenly referred to Friday’s election as “tomorrow.” Because until just this moment, I thought today was Thursday. It’s only Tuesday. Fuck.

Opened up his eager arm. He's Mr. Whiteside.

Nah. Duncan’s the face. He should be president. Pop is more of a Leo McGarry type. He should run the campaign and be chief of staff.

I offer for your consideration the underated film Bronson in which Mr. Hardy in nude for most of it. With gigantic muscles. And sometimes covered in blood.

I’m guessing the disgusting rumor is that he’s into scat, right? He’s a powerful dude and they all like being degraded and dominated in the bedroom (or in his case the bathroom.) Like that Senator from Lousiana and his diaper fetish.

The closest I was with was probably [Tom] Brady [and] whom I love to death

Caldwell responded to the announcement with a stare into the middle distance.

Fascist agents of the dystopian corporate police state: They’re just like us!

Man, what are the odds it's lands on heads that second time though?

If this game doesn’t convince people that the NFL overtime rules are stupid, I don’t know what will. Who in their right mind (besides Cardinals fans) wanted the game to end before getting to see Aaron Rodgers with the season on the line in a road playoff game in overtime?

Time may change me, but I can’t trace time.

He wrote his own eulogy in Lazarus. I am happy I lived during his lifetime. David Bowie has been at the top of my playlist since I first discovered music. When Blackstar was released, I thought he had yet again evolved. Turns out he has. Peace to his family, friends, and fans.

By promoting this comment, I’m giving Poopnachos more views, thereby validating him in his own mind

When I started reading this story I was on the toilet, but I found it so raw and edgy that I fell off the toilet and shit myself. Then, laying on the floor in a puddle of Christmas shit, I took a selfie. I then made that shit selfie the wallpaper on my phone and computer. Cuz I'm twisted and dark, just like Jared Leto.

Love hearing a pro state his opinions.

Fine Kinja. The last two sentences are a masterpiece.

“Men have weaknesses and when they see someone smiling it is difficult to control”

Sure, Bobroczkyi looks stiff out there. But you should see how ten minutes in bubbling hot water relaxes him.

I can’t wait until the Washington Mystics hire Mo Cheeks as their next head coach.