Even though McCoy’s hung up twice, Chip will keep trying. All he’s aiming for is that Shady answers 3/5 of the calls.

Signing Heyward may be the move of the year, if only because it’s driving Cardinals fans fucking insane.

If he were jerking off, he probably would have turned off the Victoria’s Secret show to avoid the distraction.

He said, “I’m sorry.” He may still be full of it, but by Rahm standards, that’s fairly decent. Don’t think I’ve ever heard him say that.

garbage. he’s as guilty in these coverups as anyone.

Making this post public invites questions about the site’s editorial process. Who the hell signed off on this?

What the fuck is this article? Whose retarded cousin needed a job?

I would actually like to switch genitals for a day. AND OMG what did he say?

And a couple more short ones, just because the plethora of weird sex dreams I have could become a novel.

1) I was fucked by the entire cast of Magic Mike on the floor while surrounded by the entirety of my male friend group from college (15+guys).

Here is my favorite Scott Weiland song. There’s a violin and a cello. There is festive piano playing, and above all, there are Weiland’s vocals. Join the circus with me, won’t you? “Lady, Your Roof Brings Me Down”:

Beating a woman? No problem; welcome to the team!

Skibola

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

My wife broke down and had to leave the table when the mashed potatoes were passed in the direction opposite from her.

Emmitt Smith’s lock of the week doesn’t even have picks anymore.

ain’t the internet grand.

Come on, we all know his nickname is Krapsnaps Bazingas.

There has to be someone affiliated with Deadspin that can pull off the mannerisms and affectations of an adolescent attendee.

Ben Carson can punt a football 500 yards.