This evidence seems pretty damning:

Where’s the physical evidence? I can’t even eat Cheetos without being covered in dust, never mind being groped by one...

And for my next trick in going to set an orphanage on fire!

You know SVU writers are drafting this story right now

Man, this episode of SVU is *crazy*

Reporter: Tom, has Donald ever touched you inappropriately?

We have your milk boiling back in the kitchen just the way you like it, Mr. Kelly!

Come on, that’s not really all that weird. Cut the man some slacks.

Oh look! It’s Vincent Adultman, heading off to a long day at the business factory!

The pumpkin doesn’t ripen too far from the vine.

I could be wrong, but i’m begining to think Ivanka Trump may not be a very good person.

She has a book coming out next year about the subject, promising “highly tactical, solution-oriented content” for women in the office.

Nothing worse than sandwich-eating members of the press second-guessing every player’s decisions.

Eh. At 1-4 they’re still the best winless team in the league imo

As much as medical care costs, I would get as much use out of the hospital shirt as I can.

The Michigan DOC is a total shit-show with incredibly low morale. The running of this department is one of the many blights on this state.

I was once stabbed over an inflatable doll. You should have seen the surprised look on her face.

I don’t know, man. I’m no gun nut, but a dude getting stabbed in the face a whole bunch of times in his own yard by some psycho the one time he wasn’t packing seems like about the best case for concealed carry I’ve ever heard.

But why is he still wearing the hospital top?

Guh. Fuckin’ Stoughton. This is the “reality” that Madison is supposedly surrounded by.