Amendment 1 guarantees the right to hunt and fish and not much else—this is on the list and leading it for the sole purpose of convincing voters the check the “Yes” box on the remaining five.

...your wife, your girlfriend...my daughter...

Step 1: Give an exagerrated, dismissive shrug

You could subtitle that whole opening diatribe with “HOW DARE YOU TAKE THIS FROM ME” and not omit anything of value.

If anyone needs help visualizing this guy as a belligerent and abusive drunk, an approximation is on basically every fucking channel right now.

Man, that grin, where this guy is just 100% certain he has made an incisive and witty comment just kills me. That’s the look people give you after they call Democrats the “party of slavery.”

I can do that! Thanks!

The Lions: Reminding Bears fans that it could always be worse since before your dad was born

Sure, absent context, “But maybe Belichick and Brady are messing with us” might be a decent excuse. But in this specific case, given the evidence O’Brien had and what his players were telling him, that just doesn’t work. It’s like watching the Pats drive the field, appearing to do everything they can to score, and…

“It’s not my job to do that,” O’Brien said...Except, yes. It 100 percent is. Any coach in this league worth his salt knows this, and calls that timeout. It is a situation that crops up pretty frequently—there’s a reason the Patriots were hustling to get the next play off...

On the one hand, they fucked up his face and gave him perpetual meat sweats. On the other hand, he has J.J. Watt arms for no apparent reason. So maybe it all evens out.

...watch this bomb from Mahomes to Tyreek Hill, over the top of triple coverage for a 69-yard touchdown.

the most wins and strikeouts in franchise history, the most wins by a Venezuelan-born pitcher, six All-Star Games, a Cy Young award, a perfect game in 2012. 

I know we all love to rip Winston, but I applaud his comments here, and I hope he continues to learn and grow with each mistake. It’d be awesome to watch a 9ft professor play QB.

You know who else completely ignores any emotion or utterance that doesn’t fit the narrow ideas of what their world should be like?

“They talk about things things that everybody wants,” she said on the network. “And, if you’re not really paying attention to how they’re gonna to pay for it, it’s easy to fall into that trap and say, ‘My kids deserve this’ and ‘Well maybe the government should be responsible for helping with that.’”

So I guess that rules out vodka.

Bryant Gumbel: You got the ball, third-and-12 at your own 26, 4:24 left in the second quarter. Do you remember what happened?

I’m suprised you missed the one where this asshat casually mentions slapping his kid in a rush to jilt a parking attendant out of $57.

The fuck?