Don’t Cruz and his ilk primarily promote the death penalty as a means of retribution, as opposed to deterrence and whatnot? If so, focusing on the grisly details of the crime seems kind of predictable.

I know this whole thing is horrible and laughable—horribly laughable, maybe—but I could see this being meaningful in the primary. Cruz didn’t pull that “New York City Values” line out of thin air; you know that thing was focus-grouped over and over beforehand. And while a lot of the media think Trump’s 9/11 anecdote…

You’d think it would be difficult to steal something from Texas A&M football and then make it more insufferable, but here we are.

Wow, someone has been to a wedding at some point. Or seen Wedding Crashers.

This is glorious shit stew: he’s embracing all of the awful stuff from old southern populism—anti-semitism, xenophobia, racism—while abandoning all of the good stuff about economic egalitarianism, popular democracy, and the corrupting influence of concentrated money in politics and business.

Pictured: Martin O’Malley, at his part-time job

Martin O’Malley, according to my colleague Anna Merlan, is like “that wooden board Amish people put in the beds of teenagers.”

Admit it, you wanted to say that she’s completely stupid, but that seemed a bit harsh so in the end you decided to compromise.

“You don’t—ma’am, I’m sorry. Let me stop you because you’re accusing me of supporting child abuse. I’m gonna take you on on that because that hurts my feelings.”

And since my editing window is shot, two more things on down here:

“Women’s rights became important to me after I had a daughter.”

Obligatory.

I call bullshit. How would he even know that he was up to eighteen beers? That’s way too many to keep track of. Oh, he took his shoes off? Nevermind.

That was a bullshit hit; Brown is lucky he walked off the field.

In the five minutes since you posted this, you have have already fallen behind on two more “article worthy” plays. At least. I hope you’re typing fast, Burke.

“I don’t know, look, it wasn’t that long ago that people wanted signatures on things, and now, forget that. I want my damn selfie and I’m not leaving until I get it.”

EATING BOWL CHILI THAT WAS BOILING HOT, SPILLED DOWN CHEST, ONTO GENITALS, DIDN’T REMOVE CHILI

A group of cloistered nuns known as the “Pink Sisters”

One of the primary difficulties in the ethics of fast fashion is that boycotting these brands doesn’t help...When not specifically called for by the laborers, USAS and other labor organizations contend that consumer-created boycotts often harm workers more than they help. Anti-brand is not the same thing as…