I want to know what a plate is. I cannot seem to wrap my tiny woman-brain around it.

This guy? A douchebag? Are you sure?

No shit. I had a guy tell me I had “found the fountain of youth” when I told him I was 30, I guess he thought I looked ‘young’.

Also this, from the blog post itself:

I’d consider him a solid 9.5 in terms of punchability.

“I know my face says otherwise, but I do in fact prefer not to be punched. No it’s OK everybody does it.”

So he never had sex with a woman “that old”. A woman in her late 30s. That’s considered “really old”. WHO THE FUCK DO THESE GUYS THINK THEY ARE? LOOK IN THE GOD DAMN MIRROR YOU LOSERS! I’m 42 and I wouldn’t let your average looks anywhere near my pussy! I fucking hate deluded men who think they are god’s fucking gift…

I’m pretty sure calling in dead is a Massachusetts thing, because I’ve seen it happen at two very different jobs.

Obligatory for Jenna’s:

Oh I agree, I just don’t know why she bothered to take the 3 minutes to write the first part. It just seemed kind of irrelevant. But I guess she had to get a GUN RIGHTS FOR WHITES thing in there somewhere.

Is that a photo of Khloe?? JFC take that waist trainer thing off - my intestines hurt all the way from over here just looking at it.

At the point where even the arresting officers are admitting it was a clock, using scare-quotes around “clock” is the fastest possible way to look functionally brain-dead.

Again...sigh... why the fuck didn’t they evacuate the school if he was a terrorist and they thought this was a bomb?

Brighter shot of Aubrey Plaza’s dress so you can see the sparkle:

Gwendoline Christie is reminding me of a Greek goddess, alabaster skin and all.

“I meant the actual logistics, like, how do you push/fold/squash/press something with the consistency of a hacky sack into something else with the consistency of, well, an ammo press.”

It’s not unlike trying to stuff a marshmallow through a coin slot.

I remember there was a great deal of wine beforehand and snickering leading up to... but then I was laughing pretty hard and it turned sour from there because it wasn’t as funny to him and yeeeeeeah. Do not recommend. Not even for a second. Not just to see how it feels.